Lil Jon is opening up about a family revelation that left him with painful questions and few places to seek answers. In his memoir, “I Only Shout So You Can Hear Me,” the rapper and record producer shares that Willie, the man who raised him, was not his biological father.

The memoir is set for release Tuesday, Oct. 20. Ahead of its arrival, Jon discussed the discovery in an exclusive PEOPLE interview published Monday, Oct. 19, describing how deeply the news affected him.

 

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“You never think that will happen to you. And when it happens to you, it just knocks you back, and you got so many questions,” Jon told PEOPLE.

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The revelation emerged after one of Jon’s cousins took a DNA test in an effort to learn more about their ancestry. When the results arrived, the information did not show the family connection they expected to see.

“He shared his map with me,” the Atlanta native recalled. “We weren't matching for some reason.”

Jon said the relative assured him that the discovery would not change the bond between them. Even with that reassurance, however, Jon was left trying to understand a deeply personal truth without the family members who might have been able to explain it.

“Neither one of my fathers are here anymore, nor my mother, so I can't get answers,” he explained. “And that drives you crazy as well, until you get to the point where you have to accept that you will never get answers.”

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Willie died from bone marrow cancer as Jon was rising to fame in the early 2000s. Jon’s mother, Carrie, died in 2013 after suffering a stroke related to complications from diabetes.

The artist said siblings from his biological father’s side have since contacted him. For now, he has not been ready to move forward with those relationships or begin the difficult conversations that could come with them.

“I have had my brother and sister reach out on my biological dad's side, but I haven't been ready to process that yet and have that conversation, because it's just so heavy, man. It's just hard to process. It takes time,” he told PEOPLE.

The discovery about Willie is not the only intensely personal experience Jon addresses in the memoir. He also writes about the death of his son, Nathan Smith, who died in February at 27.

Nathan pursued his own career in music under the name DJ Young Slade. An exclusive excerpt from the memoir detailed Jon’s final conversations with his firstborn, including his attempts to encourage Nathan while his son was facing personal struggles.

Jon remembered acknowledging Nathan’s effort and making sure that he felt recognized. The conversation would become their final exchange before Nathan disappeared.

“I'm sorry,” he remembered telling Nathan. “I see that you're trying, and I want you to know that you are seen. All the effort you've been putting in — I see it. And I see you.”

Jon said he did not realize the significance of that exchange at the time. “Little did I know that was the last time I would talk to him. The next day, I got the call that he was missing. My mind went into overdrive.”

Nathan was later found in a pond near his Georgia home. His death was ruled accidental, and the cause was determined to be “drowning in the setting of psilocybin use.”

Through the memoir, Jon revisits both the unanswered questions surrounding his biological father and the devastating loss of his son. His account presents memories and discoveries that remain difficult for him to process, even as he puts them into words.

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