Whoever thought there could be a “correct” way of arguing with your spouse? After all, we are often led to believe that fighting is not good for a marriage. But a marriage is a partnership, and any time you have two or more people working together, there are bound to be disagreements. Ultimately, it’s how you handle those tense moments and what you do as a couple to work through the difficult times that help you grow stronger.

Most people who have been with their spouse for several years will tell you that there are a few key ingredients to making their marriage work. When you really think about it, these ingredients are essential to making any relationship in life work. And if we don’t understand the foundation of a relationship, we will never get to the other good stuff!

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Part of learning how to really get along with another person can be found in the 4 Cs, which are an integral part of any relationship. So often, when these key ingredients are not in practice, problems quickly bubble to the surface and then become issues that are difficult to manage. Check out the four Cs below.

1.) Commitment. In its simplest form, commitment is sticking by another person during the good and the bad times and recognizing that challenges are opportunities to strengthen the commitment instead of reasons to quit.

2.) Communicate. Communication either makes or breaks most relationships. Learning how to really communicate with your partner requires both of you to not only stop and listen, but to also really hear what the other person is saying.

Once you are both in a position to hear each other, focusing on the present and staying in the moment will allow you to be open and honest with each other in a safe and caring way.

3.) Compromise. Compromise doesn’t mean forgoing what you believe in or truly feel. It means that in relationships, just as in life, you often have to balance out your own needs and wants with those of others. A healthy relationship should affirm who each partner is and allow each person to meet his or her needs together.

Related: Why Happier People Live Longer

4.) Choose (your battles). As soon as you figure out the true definition of “choosing your battles” (or being selective in what you stand your ground on), implementing this C in your marriage or relationship will encourage you to look at decisions in a much different light.

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Once you understand and integrate the four Cs into your marriage, the “rules of engagement” for working through conflict with your spouse become easier to follow. Some couples find it helpful to picture a rope made into a circle, with each person on the outside. In order to have a healthy and respectful argument, it’s essential that each person have at least one foot in the circle. This represents a willingness to hear each other and remain civil while angry or upset.

Related: Here’s What Can Hurt Us Even More Than Smoking

Try these tips for handling conflict.

Don’t run from fights. Neglecting to discuss the issue because you’re afraid of conflict only adds to the problem and increases the chances it will come up the next time an argument happens. (go to page 2 to continue reading) [lz_pagination]