Shock Parenting Causes Outrage

Some parents just go overboard.

Three children, all under the age of 10, were reported wandering outside a neighborhood near Twentynine Palms, California, in 104-degree heat last Wednesday. The kids — a seven-year-old girl, a six-year-old boy, and a five-year-old boy — were all found shoeless and without water. Their physical conditions were not reported.

Related: ‘Bad’ Kid Left in Woods by Bad Parents

Their mother, 34-year-old Mary Bell, and her boyfriend, 29-year-old Gary Cassle, had abandoned the children by themselves in the desert for “disciplinary purposes,” according to a statement from the San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Department. Bell and Cassle were arrested on one count of felony child abuse and spent time in the Morongo Basin jail — with a $100,000 bail and a hearing set for July 21, 2016.

Neither Bell nor Cassle shared the “bad behavior” on the part of the kids that drove these parents to implement their horrid form of punishment. However, the children’s behavior is irrelevant: Nothing justifies these types of “punitive” actions, said Chicago psychotherapist Kelley Kitley, who specializes in dealing with victims of abuse. No bad behavior ever warrants such drastic disciplinary action.

Child neglect and abandonment in dangerous situations are grounds for child abuse, according to the American Society for the Positive Care of Children (ASPCC). In the most recent statistics from 2014, 41.3 percent of child abuse victims died from physical abuse, while 72.3 percent of child abuse victims die from neglect.

“The mother’s behavior put the children’s lives in danger.”

“The mother’s behavior really put the children’s lives in danger,” explained Kitley. “Reacting in that way … sends the message that children feel abandoned, that they can’t trust you are keeping them safe.”

Raising a child in a healthy environment requires patience, love, support — and resourcefulness.

“A lot of times, parents are afraid to ask for help in a situation like that because they feel inadequate,” said Kitley.

They should take advantage of the resources available, she said, or simply run an idea by a good friend to keep themselves accountable. “Had [that mother] just run that idea by somebody, that somebody would have said, ‘That’s not a great idea!'”

Bell’s disciplinary action seemed to be reactive instead of proactive, observed Kitley. If Bell had acknowledged how she was feeling about whatever prompted her actions and consulted with someone about her disciplinary plans, there’s a strong probability she would not have carried through with abusive action.

“Had she been taking better care of herself, [Bell] wouldn’t have responded to her kids’ behavior as strongly,” Kitley said.

Related: Good Dads Teach These Virtues

Just as children need the advice and support of their parents, mothers and fathers, too, must frequently remind themselves that everyone has their own struggles — that everyone needs help to truly help someone else. It is important to self-reflect, to weigh the suggestions of friends, and to help maintain a healthy lifestyle in order to treat others well.

The “processing” approach presents a different parenting approach, in which the parents and children talk about and learn from past behavior, according to Kitley. Family meetings are a great way to “get everyone on the same page.” Remember: Everyone deserves fair treatment, and we may have to seek advice in moments of weakness.

Suppressing the feeling of inadequacy far outweighs the possibility of putting your child in harm’s way. Always be receptive to advice, and on the flip side: Make yourself available to your friends. Have courage to be that voice in your friend’s ear, advising them to keep their child safe — even when teaching them a lesson.