Going Back to Work After Baby

You’ve just had a baby. Yay! The joyous arrival is one of the biggest and happiest events in any woman’s life.

You have fed, burped, soothed, sung to, and bonded with this little person in the warm — if temporary — cocoon of maternity leave.

Now, it’s time to return to work. You had a hard enough time just doing your job before. But how in the world are you going to make all this — motherhood and your professional life — work for you, and not go crazy, emotionally, mentally and physically?

Responses from moms who returned to work are as varied as the types of strollers on the market.

For some, time at home with baby is a complete game changer.

“I had a 12-week paid maternity leave. Before I even had the baby, I pretty much knew that staying at home was right for me, but you never really know how you’ll feel about something until it happens,” one mom reported on The Stir, a website dedicated to moms. “Turns out, I was right. There was no way psychologically, emotionally, I could leave my baby with a stranger or in a daycare. Plus, I just wanted to BE with her …”

Another Boston-area mom who returned to work this week after baby No. 3 told LifeZette — while watching her two oldest children tussle in the yard, and cradling her newborn — that she’s anxious to get back to the office.

“I can’t wait to get back to work — I am so ready,” she said. “This has been great, but I am just not built to stay at home.”

“Plus,” she said, “I am very secure with my daycare. I know they will be well-cared for there.”

Two other factors make returning to work either a walk in the park, or a nightmare in the making.

“We just completed a study of moms going back to work,” said Jennifer Owens, editorial director of Working Mother magazine. “The most important keys to back-to-work success? Flexibility, and a supportive manager.”

Another issue for working moms? Paid maternity leave.

“We are the only developed country that does not have a paid leave law, and that’s not acceptable,” Owens said. “On the positive side, at least we are having the conversation about flextime, and a phase-back program in the workforce that allows moms to start back part time, and work up to full time.”

“Also,” Owens said, “if you and your partner can split your leave time — one at home while one goes back, then vice versa — this allows you the time to work out kinks in daycare as well as any other potential issues.”

What about the emotional side of separating from baby during work hours — and finding your own rhythm?

“Going back to work from any break is difficult, let alone going back to work after maternity leave,” psychologist and author Shaelyn Pham told LifeZette. “Often times the mother worries about the child’s well-being. Sometimes the mother feels bad or feels like a bad mom for leaving him or her.

“Remind yourself that you have done your homework with the research, and that your baby is in good hands. Having interaction with others can also be a great thing for your baby, as it helps with social skills,” she said.

Another mom weighed in on returning to work on The Stir website: “I was very happy to go to work. I had just finished my master’s degree in teaching when I found out I was pregnant. I had worked full time and gone to school full time for years to finish my degree. I stayed home with my twins for 20 months before I was able to get a job. I felt trapped being home full time. I love my job and feel that I am a much better mother now that I am working.”

What is the hardest part of the transition away from baby and back to professional life?

“It’s different for everyone,” Owens said. “And no matter what number baby it is — one, two or three — it’s like you are starting from zero again. A new challenge, and also a new you.”

Owens also said that good maternity leave practices start at the top.

“If company leaders take maternity leave, and participate in flextime and phase-backs, it sets the right tone for everyone in the company,” she said.

And what about those moments of real panic when you are first back at the office, and tears well up in your eyes, and all you want is to hold your baby?

Pham suggested trying a therapeutic technique called “grounding,” which can help bring you back to the present time and place. Pham instructs moms to “name five things you see in the room with you, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing good about you.”

With a bit of focus, grounding can become a Zen-like habit at work, and see you through to the end of your workday. You will be back in the moment, ready to work through your day and get to the prize — an evening of cooing, cuddling, kisses … and hopefully, sleep.

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