Four Reasons Christians Should Not Be Doormats

Christians have earned a notorious reputation for being “nice” — at times, too nice.

Some have come to see Christians as easy targets, suckers to be exploited, people to be made fun of or mocked.

They believe we’re too stupid, too fearful, or too “nice” to decline even the most unreasonable of requests.

Though it seems counterintuitive, our evangelical effectiveness suffers as a result.

When the Joy Behars of this world slam us, allowing their comments to go unchallenged in the name of “kindness” isn’t the answer. Truth is not always comfortable. And the truth is, denigrating others’ beliefs by calling them mentally ill, for example, is completely unacceptable. When we fail to speak up in situations like that, we’re unwittingly complicit in allowing our tormentors to continue belittling the sacrifice of the Savior we love.

The credibility and allure of our faith communities increase when we collectively refuse to act as metaphorical doormats. Here’s why we must stand up to this treatment in whatever form it takes.

1.) Because it’s fake. When confronted with the idea that granting an unreasonable request isn’t necessarily a prudent or even godly decision, some Christians will balk. “But Christians are supposed to be servants. It’s in the Bible!” they protest.

Well, of course it is. And it’s true. As Christians we are commanded to serve. Acting out of a servant’s heart isn’t fake; it’s laudable.

However, it is vital to understand the difference between a true servant’s heart and that of a sniveling coward. Yes, coward. There are times when declining a request is the right thing to do from the perspectives of both the asker and the asked. And doing the right thing is rarely easy.

Consider, for example, a stereotypical bad-neighbor scenario. Your physically healthy, financially stable neighbor has asked to “borrow” your snow shovel every winter for the past 10 years. He hasn’t ever returned a single shovel, nor has he planned ahead enough to buy a replacement for himself when he breaks yours every year.

A blizzard hits. Your neighbor comes over to “borrow” your shovel as he always does. Do you don your martyr’s visage, grit your teeth and lend it again, just for the sake of keeping the peace? Or do you say, “Sorry, neighbor. We really need to resolve the matter of the other shovels you borrowed, broke, and did not replace.”

Jesus loves a cheerful giver. If granting a request ties you up in knots, damages your self-esteem, or leaves you in a vulnerable position — it probably doesn’t qualify as cheerful giving.

Servant doesn’t mean sap. And there is a critical difference between kindness and foolishness. The sooner Christians recognize and respond to that, the better.

2.) Because it’s counterproductive. It was as true in grade school as it is in adulthood. You can’t buy friends. Nor can you buy respect or genuine influence. When Christians’ knee-jerk reaction is to buckle under every time, they don’t gain influence — they lose it.

Influence is what Christians must wield if our intention is to fulfill the Great Commission — to share the good news and have others respond to it. To have true influence over someone, that someone must respect you.

Related: Joy Behar’s Dig at Mike Pence Displays Enormous Ignorance About Faith

People are not drawn to those they pity. In most cases, they are repelled. Respect, on the other hand, is magnetic. People are drawn to it. And when people are drawn to you, you will have more opportunities to share your faith and to have others respond positively.

3.) Because it’s killing us. Most of us are familiar with the physiological impact of stress. From heart disease to obesity, stress and anxiety pack a powerful punch. And it’s one that some Christians know too well.

For some, the bulk of the stress they experience is entirely avoidable, and it is due directly to an unwillingness to say “no.”

So, for clarity: It is OK to say no.

It is OK to say no to other Christians. It is OK to say no to family members. It is OK to say no to people outside the faith.

Does this mean we should never graciously and eagerly agree to worthwhile requests? What it means is that we are better equipped to do the work of God’s kingdom when we are not so bogged down in busyness that we miss the real opportunities to truly make a difference.

Think you can’t do it? Practice in front of a mirror. Role-play a scene with someone you trust. Develop a few go-to phrases you can use to respectfully but firmly decline a request. Bonus points for choosing not to give a “good reason” to the requester simply as a matter of course.

4.) Because Jesus doesn’t condone it. That’s right. He doesn’t. Remember the story in the Bible in which Jesus got a little rowdy? It’s the same one in which he declined, quite demonstrably, to quietly and meekly go along with the status quo. He saw an issue, and He took care of business. He didn’t pout, cajole, manipulate, delay, avoid or acquiesce.

Do you?

Jesus is not keen on others taking advantage of Him or of His followers.

If that doesn’t sound like the Jesus you know, read it for yourself. You can find references to the event in each of the four Gospels. In a nutshell, Jesus physically took action to boot some greedy jerks out of the temple. They were taking advantage of the faithful, and Jesus was having none of it.

Nor should we.

Jesus is not keen on others’ taking advantage of Him or of His followers. He hasn’t asked us to be a doormat. And hallelujah for that! He has asked us to do nothing more and nothing less than follow Him and His example.

Fortunately for us, that example does not involve serving as a doormat for those who would use or abuse us.

Michele Blood is a Flemington, New Jersey-based freelance writer and regular contributor to LifeZette.

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