Depp Trial Not Only About Depp And Heard

There's a bigger story.

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Severed fingers, drugs, sex, rather unconventional bedroom sanitation standards. These are the public takeaways so far from the Depp-Heard trial. But is there a larger message? Gregg Gutfeld thinks so.

Gutfeld: Have you seen the Johnny Depp defamation trial? He’s suing his ex-wife, Amber Heard, for calling him a wife beater. Allegedly. You want some lowlights? Here are serious lowlights.

“I don’t believe that I’m the only human being that’s ever punched a door or broken something…On my side of the bed was human fecal matter.”

Talk about airing dirty laundry. So yeah, it’s sad. Kind of gross, kind of riveting, but it’s also kind of inspiring. So bear with me on this.

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First, we all grew up watching Depp. So naturally, we’re going to be curious to what’s going on. It’s not like we care what Peter DeLuise is up to. Remember him? And there are some ugly things in this case. There’s video of Depp smashing furniture, Depp punching a wall. Lots of drinking and drug use. A finger getting sliced, passing out, swearing, screaming, bottle throwing, hitting. What Dana Perino would call a quiet night at home.

Generally, I stay away from this stuff because it’s weird to turn people’s suffering into entertainment. If I want that, I can read Kat’s diary, that is, when Kilmeade returns it to me. He told me it’s a combination of Judy Blume and Clive Barker. But I feel dirty when I explore other people’s pain and also other people’s poop.

True, this might be the first time we’ve ever seen on TV people talking about other people crapping in their bed on purpose. Depp calls the act a grumpy – someone should alert Snow White of this immediately.

Of course, everyone has dirty laundry in an ugly divorce. In this case, the dirty laundry here was in fact really dirty laundry and the whole world shared her trip to 21 Dump Street.

But there’s a bigger story here beyond this seedy salaciousness. The fact is, Depp is humiliating himself for a good reason. He’s baring the most pathetic, saddest part of his life because he feels it must be done. He’s got to empty himself out and not the way Amber did on the bedspread.

It’s like chemo. He realizes the treatment is hellacious, but it’s the only way to beat the cancer. So he’s bearing his horrible existence, warts and all, to billions of strangers. How can he do that? Well, somehow he’s immunized himself against the effects of embarrassment. And that’s a superpower. There’s nothing you can do to him that he hasn’t done to himself. It’s like Superman hoarding kryptonite before you can use it against him.

When I watched him, I found myself somewhat liberated for a few reasons. One is obvious, that unlimited wealth, fame and good looks doesn’t make you immune to suffering. So I got something to look forward to. But also embarrassment hits all of us, from the shopkeeper to the shoplifter, from the moving van driver to the movie star. And that should bring comfort to your life – that we’re all equal under the harsh cruelty of our own fallible nature. Give us any embarrassment of riches, and we could turn it into an embarrassment of embarrassments.

David Kamioner
meet the author

David Kamioner is a veteran of U.S. Army Intelligence and an honors graduate of the University of Maryland's European Division. He also served with the Pershing Nuclear Brigade and the First Infantry Division. Subsequent to that he worked for two decades as a political consultant, was part of the American Red Cross Hurricane Katrina disaster relief effort in Louisiana, ran a homeless shelter for veterans in Philadelphia, and taught as a college instructor. He serves as a Contributing Editor for LifeZette.

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25 days ago

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25 days ago

Amber Heard having a bowel movement would turn a lot of guys on. I’m not certain that such an act will be perceived as it is presented. Yes, it is symbolic, but of what? Ask yourself this question, not in your normal state of mind but in a liberated concupiscence. It might make more sense. Such divorces are painful beyond their limits because maturity has taken a vacation and the combatants are focused only on “Me, me, me!”