When you try to control the language it’s an admission you have things to hide. Plain spoken administrations are clear, forthright, and generally on the up and up.

The practitioners of the Orwellian dark arts want to feed you gruel to distract you from the kitchen fire in the other room. David Marcus, a good writer, gets this and provides a handy translation guide for understanding what argle bargle the administration is putting out today.

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Marcus: Things are getting confusing in the nation’s capital these days. Words that we thought we knew the meaning of are regularly twisted by the Biden administration to mean surprising things.

George Orwell referred to this kind of language as doublespeak in his seminal novel “1984.” That book is a warning, but Joe Biden and his minions treat it more like Ikea instructions for what is starting to resemble a particle board dictatorship.

So, for those keeping track, here is a brief glossary of terms minted by our dear leader.

Irregular Migration-This one started just a couple of days ago and it’s a hoot. An irregular migrant is what we used to call an illegal alien, or undocumented immigrant. White House press secretary Jen Psaki has started using the term as a way of convincing us that there is no crisis on the southern border, just a set of challenges facing our system of irregular migration.

It sets an interesting precedent. In San Francisco for example where stealing from CVS is the new civic pastime, it might not really be stealing, it might be irregular shopping. You see, the term irregular carries no moral condemnation, like illegal, or unlawful do, it’s just not quite the norm. So what’s the big deal?

Over the Horizon-Amid concerns that by leaving Afghanistan to the whims of the Taliban our nation might be inviting it to become a haven for terrorism again, the White House gave us this pleasant term to quell those fears. It turns out that we have “over the horizon” capabilities. This is kind of like, “somewhere over the rainbow,” except it mostly means drone strikes that kill innocent people, including kids.

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Circling Back-This Biden White House classic is generally employed by Jen Psaki when she has no intention of ever answering a perfectly reasonable question. The White House informs us that they will circle back to avoid ridiculous questions like, how many Americans are still in Afghanistan, how many “irregular migrants” have been let in the country, or how many breakthrough COVID cases have there been at the White House.

Human Infrastructure-When we think about infrastructure we tend to mean roads, bridges, airports, that kind of thing. But it turns out that you and I are also infrastructure. It’s not that we can lay across a river while an 18-wheeler rolls over our backs, it’s more like welfare. It seems handing out checks to people for doing nothing requires infrastructure, too. And for a mere $3.5 trillion the great D.C. leviathan will turn us all into essential infrastructure. Why get paid to work when you can get paid not to work? Why take responsibility for your own life when the government can take care of you forever?

Pandemic of the Unvaccinated-Remember the good old days, like four months ago when COVID vaccines were going to get us back to normal? Just get the jab and it will be the 1990s again. Sadly, that didn’t really work out. That’s because vaccinated people can still contract and spread the virus. And yet, in classic Orwellian fashion, the White House is still peddling this idea that we have a pandemic of the unvaccinated…

I recommend printing this column out, maybe getting it laminated so that it’s handy whenever the White House starts spewing out these nonsense terms in order to lie to you. But maybe lying is too harsh a term. Maybe Biden and his band of bunglers are just telling you the irregular truth.