You possibly know some scruffy young communist who wants to burn down your neighborhood and guillotine you entire family. No? Strange, as you can find tons of them at any college and many nights, in a lot of our major cities, out on the streets having Bolshevik fun.

And even though they are scum of the Earth not worthy of indentured servitude to any respectable corporation, with the holidays coming up it’s not too early to put aside the hellfroth for a moment and try to help you parents, siblings, and parole officers/methadone counselors of an Antifa or Black Lives Matter terrorist regarding what the precious little dears may want for Christmas. After all, the mindless and arbitrary destruction of America is one thing, getting neat stuff for Christmas from the very same people whose system you claim to hate is quite another.

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1) Camouflage Diapers- Okay look, if the fit hits the shan all of these red street commandos will be whimpering and calling for mommy. Simultaneously, they will be soiling themselves as they look down the barrel of a tricked out AR-15 held by a drunk and grinning 55 year old USMC vet who had nothing better to do on a Friday night. At this point, they also have probably tripped over their own Skechers more than once and their pants are at their ankles. But hey, they still want to look tactical, right? So a sturdy pair of camouflage adult diapers takes care of their excretory issue and makes a nice paramilitary touch when they ask for protection under the Geneva Convention.

2) Asbestos Riot Suit- I bet they hate it when they’re throwing a Molotov and their ironic 1970s popular culture emblazoned t-shirt catches fire in the process. All those third degree burns can definitely ouch! But there’s an answer. A riot suit covering them head to toe can keep the cretins flame free and ready for the next social justice arson directed at a small business owned by one of the groups they’re supposedly rioting to liberate from the oppressive clutches of the city fire department coming to put out the blaze. Oh sure, there might be some coughing, spitting blood, or a full on cerebral hemorrhage in a couple of years, probably sooner, from the effects of the asbestos. But such a small price to pay for sticking it to the MAN! Rumors that if you wear the riot suit past a two hour span any children you eventually have will resemble moray eels, are completely “founded”. Which, by our definition, is the exact opposite of “unfounded.”

3) Antibiotics- Given their own views, fascism will descend over America when the president is reelected. As such, these precocious darlings will be rounded up and thrown into DHS camps that make the Hanoi Hilton look like, well, today’s actual Hilton in Hanoi. All sorts of interesting diseases will be waiting for them there. Some from the environment. Some of them, shall we say, more personally transmitted. Thus some cheap, yet semi-reliable, foreign antibiotics should do the trick for most of the scale-like coverings that have taken over their nether regions…Enjoy the holidays!

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