What Bieber Really Means

Justin Bieber released his latest hit, “What Do You Mean?” at the close of summer, and the effect could not have been more timely — or well received.

It’s the singer’s first No. 1 song on the Hot 100 chart, and the 23rd track to debut in the top slot.

The lyrics, according to Bieber, were intended to highlight miscommunication between men and women in general, and there’s no question relationship tensions between the sexes is concerning.

From the dozens of women who appeared on the cover of New York Magazine accusing Bill Cosby of sexual assault, to the millions of cheating spouses exposed in the Ashley Madison hack, this is a year of revelation. Men and women aren’t communicating — maybe more than ever in the digital age. Yet we also have an enormous opportunity to achieve clarity if we can return to the basics. Make no mistake, “What Do You Mean?” is a step in that direction, even if it was written by a 21-year-old.

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“Girls” star Lena Dunham was quick — and shrewd — to point out the possible danger in the lyrics, which state: “What do you mean? / When you nod your head yes / But you wanna say no / What do you mean?”

Her comment on Twitter: “Let’s do away with pop songs where a girl nods yes when she means no and vice versa, k?”

Dunham’s criticism may be misguided, however. That men and women are struggling to understand each other is a matter of enormous consequence, and Bieber’s song represents a plea for clarity. It stands in stark contrast, in fact, to the ill-advised notion that men know what women want, as popularized by Robin Thicke’s 2013 mega-hit, “Blurred Lines” (“You know you want it … you’re a good girl.”)

As sexual consent campaigns explain, there’s only one decidedly unambiguous way to know whether a woman (or man) wants to have sex: Ask. However, not all questions are equal. Establishing consent starts with “yes or no,” but it doesn’t end there.

Bieber’s hit promotes responsible communication.

Asking a partner, “What do you mean?” shifts the dynamic in a conversation from “yes or no” to a more open-ended dialogue. Opening the dialogue allows couples to explore more specifically not only whether they want to be intimate, it also allows for clarity on timing and degree of intimacy. Such preferences can be blurry, in fact, particularly at the start of a new relationship, even if consent is well established. Bieber’s hit promotes responsible communication: Both partners have a responsibility to clarify before proceeding with sexual advances.

Of course, sexual consent isn’t the only question leaving men and women confused. As the Ashley Madison hack revealed, millions of married couples are facing challenges of infidelity and betrayal by a loved one. Whereas 20 years ago, cheaters could hide illicit affairs by discarding business cards or bar napkins with the phone numbers of their conquests, digital cheating leaves a trail of technological evidence that can prove infidelity.

“Girls” star Lena Dunham was quick — and shrewd — to point out the possible danger in the lyrics.

As many couples can attest, the answer isn’t entirely black and white, or always yes and no. When one spouse suspects infidelity, asking a “yes or no” question leaves too much room for error and miscommunication.

In this sense, “What Do You Mean?” speaks to a universal truth of human communication and relationships. It’s complicated. In an age of technological nuance, where text communication and emojis often misconstrue tone, it is no wonder humans are confused.

Bieber’s song reminds us it’s time to return to the basics. When in doubt, ask for clarity.