Tug-of-Tech War

I gave my sons iPhones a year or so ago, and I sure wish I could get a do-over on that decision.

Why did I do it? To be liked? To be cool?

Because their older sister had gotten an iPhone, and the one thing parents strive to be, even though it’s utterly impossible, and even pointless, is fair.

For whatever reason, the decision didn’t work out as planned.

The basic idea was that my twin boys, then age 12, could have the phone to communicate by calling or and text us, us, other family members, even friends and, of course, each other.

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They could play only certain educational games. The phones had to “live” in the kitchen, not in their bedrooms.

As time went on, you can imagine what happened. The phones started to migrate to their bedrooms. Educational games lost out to racing games and “Family Feud.” Innocuous stuff, but not what we had in mind.

So what’s the problem? The problem is that letting a kid play on an iPhone is like giving him Turkish coffee. The buzz is addictive, the search for the next jolt is endless, and the behavior sinks to new lows.

My therapist actually said the same thing — that the more kids use technology, the more agitated they are.

In our family, and perhaps in yours, the more agitated the kids are, the more likely it is for conflict to grow and then escalate out of control.

Related: Kids’ Safety on Social Media

The boys were away at camp this summer, where they had virtually no access to technology. They could email us on the CampMail program, but that was about it.

When they came home, they were more peaceful than we had seen them in decades. Wait — they’re 13. It just seems like decades.

If you’re a parent, you know exactly what I mean.

My wife and I have used the advent of the new school year as a moment to make a huge change. No technology on school nights. None.

So my wife and I have used the advent of the new school year as a moment to make a huge change. No technology on school nights. None.

No games. No Netflix. No TV or movies of any kind.

It helps that our 15-year-old daughter, who spends her idle hours watching “Friends” episodes on an iPad, has gone off to school in another city. So we cannot be accused of having two sets of rules.

But now, I have to ask myself, how much of my default mode time comes down to using my own iPhone, my laptop, or maybe the iPad? More than I would probably care to admit.

Related: Smartphones Know Your Moods

I don’t play games, I’m happy to report (with self-righteous pride).

But I sure like watching reruns of “Mad Men” on Netflix. Or burrowing deep into politically oriented websites to see the latest outrage The Donald has sparked. In my mind, I’m Fred MacMurray in “My Three Sons,” without the pipe.

From my sons’ perspective, I’m probably a guy with his face buried behind a screen, modeling for them the very behavior I want them to avoid.

So wish us luck with our new zero-tolerance program for technology on school nights.

If the boys are a little less agitated, it just might slow the spread of gray hair on my cranium.

The reality is that I should never have given them those phones in the first place. But there’s always time to get the horses back in the barn and lock the door.