My son started kindergarten this fall. It’s been a few weeks now, but still, thinking about him in school sometimes makes me tear up — though not for the reasons you may think.
The overwhelming emotions started during his kindergarten tour. That’s when I really became terrified for what lies ahead for him. Other parents were asking mundane questions about the school uniforms, or how their child’s attendance at a French-speaking preschool might impact her learning in a dual-language Spanish program.
No, I cried because so much of what the faculty was addressing didn’t apply to us at all.
If only our concerns were so simple, I remember thinking.
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My son Arlo is a rambunctious 5-year-old who has Down syndrome.
The chromosomal condition occurs when a person has an extra copy of the 21st chromosome. He can do everything other children can do. It just takes him a bit longer to master things, and he has to work a lot harder for his accomplishments.
I hid my tears during that tour while worrying about how my son is not talking yet and how that might make the school’s dual-language program harder for him. I felt guilty he’s not toilet trained yet and thought about how other kids might make fun of him.
I wanted to ask so many questions, but I didn’t raise my hand because I knew they would be better addressed in a separate meeting or with our IEP (Individualized Education Program) team.
Our answers probably wouldn’t apply to other families.
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Of course, like other parents, I was prepared to feel weird and empty on the first day of school, and like the other parents there, I marveled how time had sped through his already 5-year-old life. And yes, I shed a few tears when I dropped him off on Day 1, but then I went on to savor slightly calmer moments with his younger brother and sister before he came home.
But my worries still haven’t gone away. Will all those parents I met at the tour accept my talented little guy who happens to have some pretty significant developmental delays?
I cry because I feel as though we don’t belong. I’m OK with that. In many ways, we don’t fit in with these other parents. I can deal with that.
I just never want my son to feel that way.
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