Better Help for Child Abuse Victims

It’s the crime no one wants to believe will occur — the sexual abuse of a child by a family member. Not long ago, it was a crime usually confined to a family’s darkest psychological corners, a secret few children talked about — partly because they lacked the ability to articulate acts that made no sense to them.

Add threats by the perpetrator, often a person who is supposed to keep them safe, and it’s a wonder the crime ever got reported.

“This can happen to the best parent in the world. The key is get help immediately … for you and your kids,” said one mom.

But things are changing. Just ask Debbie Smith (not her real name), a resident of a small town in Nebraska. When her daughter was abused at the age of six by her father, who did not live with them, it was the beginning of an experience that brought healing to the family.

When the girl refused to see her father and said she hated him, Smith became suspicious. At first, she was rebuffed by police, but luckily she found her way to Project Harmony in Omaha. It’s a warm and inviting place, housing under one roof every resource for children who have experienced trauma. It was one of the first integrated response systems in the country, combining government resources, such as police and advocates, and private sector nonprofits.

Before this approach, a child was typically taken to the police station to report the crime — that meant being questioned in an environment with criminals, often by several sets of police officers or detectives, in the same room where their violators were being questioned. Not surprisingly, children were not very forthcoming. Later, they were taken for medical evaluation to the hospital — another intimidating environment — then to another location to meet with social workers, counselors, or psychologists.

[lz_bulleted_list title=”Child Abuse in the U.S.” source=”http://www.dosomething.org”]5 children die every day because of child abuse (approximately)|1 of 3 girls and 1 of 5 boys will be sexually abused before age 18|90% of child sexual abuse victims know their perpetrator|68% are abused by a family member[/lz_bulleted_list]

At Project Harmony, the objective is to have a child undergo one forensic interview, instead of repeatedly reliving the trauma. A complete medical team, located steps away, is equipped to administer rape kit exams, sexual assault kit exams, and drug testing, if needed.

From the moment Debbie Smith and her two children arrived in December 2015, they were guided by an advocate who focused solely on their care. Smith was referred to a counselor who specializes in trauma-affected parents and the children were assigned to different counselors. Smith’s seven-year-old son was not abused — but he was impacted by the sudden removal of his father from his life.

Openly acknowledging the trauma that has occurred, the counselors are trained in a variety of cognitive and behavioral intervention techniques, including Child and Family Traumatic Stress Intervention (CFTSI), pioneered at Yale School of Medicine. In a creative therapy approach, parents are taught how to build their children’s esteem, as well as process their own feelings of anger, grief, and sadness about the crime.

Related: How Unstable Parents Hurt Kids

“As parents, you have to learn to trust again,” Nicki Thamm, Project Harmony’s children’s services clinical supervisor, told LifeZette. “It’s difficult because kids are involved in sports, school, and other activities. We help kids identify which adults they feel comfortable with, and how to advocate for themselves when parents are not around. We want them to know what to do in any situation, how to talk openly, get confident, and build strength. It helps parents to see this happen.”

Although she acknowledges it will be hard, Smith believes she will trust again. “I honestly believe, if we did not come here, they [her kids] would not be as far along in the healing process,” she said.

Children who are hiding a secret will often suddenly not be interested in things they once enjoyed.

Part of her daughter’s therapy involved “writing a book” about what happened, to help her articulate her own story. Trauma-informed therapy helps children see themselves as whole. If they can separate the incident from how they see themselves, they will not carry shame about it their entire lives.

Debbie Smith has been so positively impacted by her experience that she plans to be involved in Project Harmony for a long time as a fundraising helper — the project gets only about 30 percent of its funding from government sources. She would also like to help educate parents.

“If there was more education out there, I would have been tipped off sooner,” she explained. “Parents should know what to look for, especially if a child wants to avoid someone.”

Thamm urges parents to look for extreme behavior changes, such as a child being angrier or more subdued than usual, or avoiding talking. Children who are hiding a secret will often suddenly not be interested in things they once enjoyed, including school, activities, or specific people.

Related: Shock Parenting Causes Outrage

Project Harmony Director Gene Klein told LifeZette that 8,000 calls come into the child abuse hotline in the state of Nebraska each year. Half of those calls report abuse of children under the age of six — and 70 percent of all calls involve sexual abuse.

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When the project opened in 1996, it handled 30 to 40 cases a month. In July 2016, as one of the largest child advocacy agencies in the country, it processed 160 cases.

If the numbers are interpreted to mean child abuse is on the rise, the good news is the project has expanded its capacity to fit the need. But if it means there is less stigma and that more instances are being reported — which is Klein’s opinion — that’s a win too. Part of the organization’s mission is to get more children into responsive care.

“We believe we’ve made the system stronger and people more aware,” Klein said. “When more people have a good experience, they spread the word that it is OK to do this. We offer that warmth that the family needs in a time of crisis.”

Debbie Smith agreed, adding some of the advice she learned at Project Harmony: “Don’t blame yourself. This can happen to the best parent in the world. The key is immediately get to help … for you and your kids.”

Pat Barone, MCC, is a professional credentialed coach and author of the Own Every Bite! bodycentric re-education program for mindful and intuitive eating; she helps clients heal food addictions.