This is going to be a scary Halloween. Nervous parents taking their kids trick or treating will be looking over their shoulders for clowns. Terrorism is tragically never far from people’s minds. And the moon tonight is a waxing crescent, meaning darkness will abound.
But nobody is more frightened — or to be more precise, running scared — this All Hallows’ Eve than Hillary Clinton.
Around the Clinton’s crib in Chappaqua, Bill is all Dr. Jekyll, scrambling up eggs on Sunday mornings, throwing Frisbees for the dog, telling Hillary he can’t decide which pantsuit he likes best, and doing card tricks for the Secret Service.
You might think it’s because the Donald Trump costume is one of the biggest hits this year. But Hillary’s unlikely to be handing out candy in Chappaqua, so no need to worry.
What’s scaring Clinton this year is people — some of whom didn’t seem scary at all just last week! But now their masks are on, and like a zombie army they’re marching toward her, relentlessly, threatening to chase her far away from the White House.
Here are some of the ghouls and goblins who are haunting Hillary.
FBI Director James Comey seemed like such a nice man. Not only had he failed to recommend an indictment for obvious wrongdoing by Clinton, but he gave her potential co-conspirators immunity so they would “tell all,” and even offered to smash their laptops for them.
But with Halloween approaching last Friday, the pleasant-seeming Count Comey began growing fangs and showing an aversion to light and crosses. He was Dracula, it turned out, and he wrote a letter to Congress that scared Hillary to death! He revealed he had just decided to restart the investigation into Clinton’s use of a private email server for classified information.
Weiner has long been a pain in the neck for Hillary — but that’s not a scary thing. True, the internet is a more frightening place when Anthony Weiner is online, but for Hillary, his sexting escapades were just a political nuisance. And anyway, Huma Abedin had finally taken care of the problem by commencing divorce proceedings.
But who knew Weiner was in fact the ultimate scary clown? Lo and behold, just when Hillary assumed her minions had bleached all the scary emails away, it turns out Weiner had thousands of them on his computer! It seems either Abedin was sharing a computer with him, or Mr. Nosey was accessing her account.
And, with Abedin having turned on him, this clown has an ax to grind! He already was "cooperating with the FBI," which now also has a subpoena in hand to pore through Weiner's emails as part of the newly reopened Clinton investigation.
Around the Clinton's crib in Chappaqua, Bill is all Dr. Jekyll, scrambling up eggs on Sunday mornings, throwing Frisbees for the dog, telling Hillary he can't decide which pantsuit he likes best, and doing card tricks for the Secret Service.
But out on the campaign trail, Bill suddenly becomes Mr. Hyde! That's who he must have been this fall when he told CBS that Hillary "frequently" becomes faint. And when he said that Hillary's campaign slogan was "growing together" — even though it's "stronger together." And when he called Obamacare "the craziest thing in the world."
With his pale, gray countenance, Julian Assange has always looked a little like a zombie. But since he began his career revealing secrets damaging to George W. Bush, Hillary and the Democrats assumed Assange was a good zombie. Then Julian got hacked emails from the Democratic National Committee and John Podesta, revealing all kinds of damaging information.
A longtime Democratic operative, Brazile was moonlighting for CNN, which gave her access to Democratic primary debate questions that she dutifully provided to Hillary. While the effort to help Clinton cheat was warmly welcomed, who knew Brazile would be so careless as to leave a paper trail? Suddenly out in the open, those emails offering the questions in advance were frightening everyone in the Clinton campaign. And Miss Helpful suddenly became Miss Hurtful for Halloween.
As of early last week, scary old Trump wasn't frightening Hillary at all. She was sure she had completely defanged him and was on her way to a general election landslide. While Bill was measuring the drapes in the Oval Office, Hillary was even thinking of starting to campaign for some senators she'd need once she got back to the White House. I mean, for goodness sake, last week she was up by 12 points in the ABC News tracking poll!
But then Director Comey turned into Dracula, and as Halloween approached, the ABC News/Washington Post poll had Clinton's lead cut to a mere 2 points.
Donald Trump is sneaking up behind her! And suddenly for Democrats everywhere, he must seem very, very scary.
Keith Koffler is the editor of the website White House Dossier and the newsletter Cut to the News.
Last Modified: October 31, 2016, 6:19 pm