Marco Rubio Has a Surrender Complex

Florida Sen. Marco Rubio went on the record Wednesday to bravely say he would “not discuss any issue that has become public solely on the basis of WikiLeaks” because “today it is the Democrats. Tomorrow, it could be us.”

Here are three reasons this quote would make perfect text for the Patrick Stewart facepalm meme:

1) The Democrats don’t have your back, Marco (Remember that Gang of Eight snipe-hunt they took you on?)
This statement perfectly displays Rubio’s shocking naiveté when it comes to Democrats and how their party operates — especially compared to how the Republicans operate. Every day, somebody feeds me the argument that if Rubio (bronze medal-winner of the Republican primary) were the nominee, he’d be beating Hillary by [insert giant number here] points.

From now on, this quote will be the evidence I use to prove them wrong. Because anyone who thinks that Democrats would protect Republicans from a WikiLeaks dump instead of politicizing it has not been paying attention to American politics for a very long time. Seriously, Marco?

If Russian President Vladimir Putin wanted to hurt Republicans, he wouldn’t even have to do the heavy lifting of actually hacking their emails. He could just say, “I hacked the Republican National Committee emails, and they’ve been very naughty.” Then, in perfect Rockette-like lock-step, the Democrats and the mainstream media would operate under the assumption that it was 100 percent confirmed, unquestionable, undeniable, I-chopped-down-the-cherry-tree truth.

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I’m not saying Democrats don’t enjoy a good quid pro quo — we know they do. But you better get your quo up front because they won’t think twice about snatching your quid and making a break for it.

But in the world of Marco Rubio, Democrats will come to his rescue tomorrow as long as he protects them today. Yeah. This guy was going to defeat the Clinton machine. You know, as long as they didn’t criticize him (Little Marco), call out his flip-flops (immigration), take him off his talking points (like Christie did in New Hampshire), or ask him to name an accomplishment (Remember how Rick Santorum struggled with that one?).

2) Those exposed flip-flops could just as easily be mine (Je suis John Podesta)
This exposes the elitist thought process that dominates Washington, D.C. This is exactly why we have to “drain the swamp.” In this carefully prepared quote, Rubio (or whoever wrote it) accidentally exposed his elitism in four ways. First, we see that Rubio fears his emails being made public, and he wants to enter into a corrupt bargain to protect them. Second, he believes neither party should have their corruption exposed. Third, how much of a lawyer can you be? He’s trying to declare evidence inadmissible in the court of public opinion. He’s asking that politicians and the media keep this information secret from the people. Finger to lips, Rubio tells those in the know: “Shhhh! This could be any of us. This isn’t about party politics, it’s about something more important — holding onto our power.”

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Finally, we would be able to see all of Sen. Rubio’s emails anyway if — wait for it — if Congress had not exempted themselves from the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA). It was great for the executive branch — but when it came to the legislative branch, they just weren’t really feeling very transparent.

3) How to succeed in the GOP without really trying (Listen to your friendly neighborhood Democrat)
If he didn’t wear a 42 Long, I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between Rubio and Hillary Clinton. He was part of the disastrous Gang of Eight amnesty deal — then he ran for president trying to claim that he wasn’t. Then he said he wouldn’t go back to the Senate — then he did. Marco Rubio is everything that’s wrong with Republican politics. He’s willing to let Democrats define every word and make every rule. Then he operates according to those rules. If they decide a word is racist, Rubio doesn’t say it. If they decide a policy is xenophobic, Eubio won’t support it.

Rubio also says that Trump shouldn’t mention the emails. While I’m sure Rubio has Trump’s best interests at heart, Trump should probably seek a second opinion on the matter. Rubio is a politician who some are eager to elevate to the top for no conceivable reason. He’s as accomplishment-free as Hillary Clinton (though he hasn’t been around nearly as long). He’s a political wind-tester, but — as he’s shown over the course of his career — he’s not very good at it.