Global Warming Could Be So Cool

Oh, the climate is a-changing. Liberals folks are in mourning, prophesying doom — not to mention higher air conditioning bills and sweatier, smellier picnics.

But it’s the holiday season. And so it’s time to look for the silver lining here. Especially with President Obama today in France putting the finishing touches on a climate change treaty certain to drive up your utility bills.

If the Earth’s climate is indeed warming, then winters wouldn’t be nearly as miserable — or dangerous. Far more people die each year from extreme cold than from extreme heat. Many a homeless or elderly person who may have otherwise tragically frozen to death might live to see another spring due to a warming world.

Related: Bernie: Climate is Top Threat

And just think of the vast sums of money and energy that will be saved. The average cost of heating a home is anywhere from two to four times as expensive as the cost of cooling it. Overall, the U.S. uses roughly four times as much energy on heating than on cooling, according to the U.S. Energy Information Administration.

Then, of course, there’s great news in this for farmers — and eaters. Longer, more productive growing seasons will become the norm in many places where our food is grown. Other areas could very well see, for the first time, climates suited to healthy and sustained agricultural industry. A changing climate has in some places brought increased rain, which translates into fewer droughts, healthier plant and animal life, and therefore less famine.

If we’re really lucky, the number of wine-producing regions will increase dramatically as well.

More carbon dioxide in the air means more plant food in the air, which means more — and healthier — plants. In fact, scientists have been reporting significant increases in tree growth rate and forest density since the 1980s. Between 1982 and 2011, over 20 percent of the Earth’s vegetation grew greener, while a mere 3 percent browned, according to research by Ranga Myneni of Boston University. The continuation of this trend is a definite positive.

There is, of course, the potential problem of rising sea levels and the resulting destruction of some coastal towns and cities. But is this really a bad thing in all instances? Not as far as conservatives should be concerned.

Four of the U.S. cities most at risk from flooding resulting from climate change are New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Boston, according to a study published in July in the journal Nature Climate Change.

The prospect of four of the most liberal cities in the country disappearing from the map could change the entire electoral college picture for Republicans.

And just think of all those inland middle-class suburbanites, many of whom trend Republican, suddenly experiencing the joy and financial security of owning beachfront property. Heck, you might even to be able to afford to buy some of that new oceanfront land.

Fewer deaths, more trees, healthier crops, and no more centers of liberal degeneracy? It seems that if anything, we should really be trying to figure out how to increase the rate of climate change.