When to Say ‘No’ to a Job Promotion

Success doesn’t always mean moving up. Sometimes it’s better to say “no” to a job promotion. It’s a decision that needs to be made carefully, weighing the pros and cons and the risks and benefits to yourself and your family.

My manager offered me a promotion several years ago. At the time, I worked in Portland, Oregon, as a regional quality improvement manager for a West Coast health benefits company. The offer was a director position at company headquarters in Los Angeles, California.

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The offer included a sizable salary increase. But to take the job, I’d have to move to Los Angeles. I needed a few days to consider the offer and discussed it with my wife.

In the end, I turned down the promotion. I explained to my manager that I felt honored he trusted me to take on greater responsibility, but the timing wasn’t good for me to move my family. I told him that I’d like to move up in the company, but moving out of Portland wasn’t an option for now.

Our roots were well-established where we were. We had a modest home in a quiet suburban community. My wife’s parents lived nearby and enjoyed being grandparents to our kids. We enjoyed the lifestyle we had and had no desire to change it. The only advantages the promotion offered were a more prestigious job title and a higher salary.

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Perhaps a job promotion is something you’re considering — or there is the potential for an offer to come your way soon. Consider these important issues when making a choice to accept or reject an offer, as the offer might mean some big changes for your lifestyle and your family. I considered some of these when making my own decision.

1.) Your Spouse Isn’t Supportive.
The excitement of receiving an offer for a promotion is enough to make a person forget his or her priorities, if only for a moment. The more prestigious job title, the pride of being trusted with greater responsibilities, the freedom of increased income — all of these can be intoxicating. But I had sense enough to know I needed the sober counsel of my wife. Accepting the promotion would impact her.

My wife and I weighed the pros and cons. We reviewed online real estate listings to research the housing market. We imagined where we might set up a home if I accepted the offer. Yet through all the excitement, after hearing my wife’s input, I had this feeling in my gut it wasn’t the right move for us to take.

The best decision may not be the one that leaves you feeling happy at the moment.

If a promotion has the potential for more overnight travel, more time at the office, greater risks to your life and health, or greater stress, your husband or wife will want to know before you say yes. If the job requires a move, the impact on your spouse’s lifestyle, job and potential income loss as a result are also important considerations.

Set aside enough time for both of you to give undivided attention to each other. Lay out the pros and cons of the promotion opportunity. Allow time for each of you to share your desires and concerns. Finally, make a decision together. If your kids are old enough, get their input, too.

The best decision may not be the one that leaves you feeling happy at the moment. But if the decision is made with your spouse’s support, you’ll be investing in a happier marriage. If you accept the promotion against his or her wishes, it may chip away at the foundation of your marriage and could leave it on shaky ground.

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2.) It Comes at a Cost to Your Child.
One of the appeals of a promotion is the ability to provide more for your family. You may be able to acquire a bigger house, a new car, nicer clothes, a better school for your child, and more exciting vacations. Also, consider what impact the promotion might have on your relationship with your child.

Tom Bradford (not his real name) took a promotion with the software company he’d been with for three years. It was a few months after the birth of his son, Jack. He and his wife, Brooke, already had a large home in Happy Valley, a middle-class suburb of Portland. They even had extra income to put into savings each month. The promotion got him closer to the six-figure income he wanted. On the downside, it came with a lot of overnight travel. Some months he slept in a hotel more nights than he slept in his own bed. Travel days meant that he had only limited time with his son — it was down to a few minutes of FaceTime on his iPad each evening.

Bradford told himself the promotion wouldn’t cause his parenting and marriage to suffer. He believed the benefits outweighed the cost of not being at home with his family. Then it hit him — three years into his “better” position. He arrived home from a trip, greeted his wife with a kiss, and scooped up his young in his arms.

The little boy stretched his neck to look down at his dad’s travel bag. “Daddy, did you bring me a toy?”

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Tom Bradford laughed — at first. When his wife said to their child, “Aren’t you glad to see Daddy?” little Jack pointed to the travel bag and said, “I want my toy.”

It was Bradford’s habit to bring gifts home to his family whenever he traveled. Now, it seemed as if the toys this father gave his son were more valued than the giver.

If the new job comes with high stress, longer hours at work, or added business travel, consider the impact that your added responsibilities may have on parent-child bonding.

3.) You’ll Have More Work for the Same Pay.
As they look for ways to stretch resources to raise the bottom line, the management at some companies is giving promotions without giving raises. This may be a great opportunity for you. It may not. If the terms offered don’t seem fair to you, you may graciously decline, giving your reasons. Refusing the promotion could lead to better opportunities, or end your career with the company — that’s a risk to consider.

Get clarity on the terms of the offer before deciding. Before making a decision, do your research. Interview people in similar jobs about their experience. You can also investigate average wages for the position you’re considering. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics has an online database of wages for over 600 occupations.

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Get clarity on the job responsibilities. Ask for the measurable goals your performance will be assessed against. If taking the job at your current wage isn’t acceptable to you, ask why a pay raise isn’t included. You may choose to ask for what you think is fair backed up by your wage research and by the value you’ll bring to the position. If a fair wage can’t be offered now, consider asking for a wage increase to occur at 90 days or six months.

The process of making a case for your value to the company may be stressful. Don’t lose sight of the fact that they came to you and made an offer. That implies they recognized your value to the company.

If you plan to accept the promotion, get the terms of the offer and any potential wage hike in writing from human resources or the manager. This document may be useful if the manager moves or the recall of the details fades over time.

4.) It Damages Your Well-Being.
When I said no to my own job promotion, my well-being and my family’s was a strong consideration. I knew that moving from Portland to Los Angeles would come with a significant lifestyle changes. The salary offered wouldn’t make up for the higher cost of housing. Traffic would add time to my commute. We’d leave church, friends, and family behind, and we’d need to develop new social circles.

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Beyond potential relocation, other considerations for your well-being include added emotional stress, shift and work hours, travel requirements, compatibility with coworkers, and impact on your nutrition and physical exercise.

Tom Bradford eventually lost his job during a company reorganization. As he considered what to do next in his career, he looked back on the last few years and came to realize he’d made a mess of his health. He’d been drinking too much as he tried to cope with the stress of his job. He’d put on 40 extra pounds. And he regretted missing much of his son’s early years, including his first steps and first words.

Those who enroll in the military and as first responders choose to put their lives at risk and spend time away from their loved ones in order to protect the rest of us. That’s honorable. But it’s not honorable to sacrifice your life and your health if that’s not what you signed up for. It’s OK to say no if you don’t think the job’s worth it.

Jon Beaty, a life coach and father of two, lives near Portland, Oregon. He’s the author of the book “If You’re Not Growing, You’re Dying: 7 Habits for Thriving.”