I have a child who runs off.
It’s common for kids with Down syndrome, autism, and other developmental delays to do this, though “sprinters” can be found in just about every family.
My son, who has Down syndrome, is 5 and has always been fond of choosing his own path. But he’s getting faster, stronger, and sneakier. So this tendency to run off, officially called elopement, is getting more dangerous.
I realized just how big of a problem it was a couple of years ago.
An occupational therapist was visiting, and we were talking about his needs. I realized it was eerily quiet. My son had figured out how to open the door and he was gone. Just like that. I sprinted out the front of my house and didn’t see him anywhere. In the space of a few minutes, he managed to get more than two blocks away and was headed toward a main road. A saint of a woman got out of her car, picked him up, and looked for me. She saved his life.
My son had figured out how to open the door and he was gone. Just like that.
Needless to say, we were on high-alert after that. There have been many moments when he’s run off, but someone always noticed.
Then came our annual Buddy Walk, an annual October event organized by the National Down Syndrome Association to promote inclusion and awareness. He was 3. The crowd was huge. I was 8 months pregnant. I took my eye off of him for maybe 30 seconds and he was GONE. In a flash. Someone spotted him sprinting off behind the stage, headed away from the event. I dashed after him. If we hadn’t noticed at that very moment, who knows where he would have ended up. Someone would have called emergency services, for sure.
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I’m not always sure why he runs off. Sometimes, it’s for the thrill of the chase. Other times, he wants to go home. Other times, I imagine he just wants to explore. He has no sense of how dangerous it is, and it terrifies me.
Between seminars and personal trial and error, however, I have developed strategies to cope with this scary elopement behavior.
Locks, Locks, Locks
Every door in our house has a lock that our children cannot open. Our main door has a deadbolt that can only be unlocked with a key from the inside or out. Yes, it’s a fire hazard. But you have to do what you have to do. When my children figure out how to open that one, we’ll take the next step in additional locks.
Alarms
You can work with a security company to install a chime system on your doors. Some chimes will even indicate which door is being opened. If you can’t afford something so elaborate, you can find battery-powered door chimes and alarms similar to what you hear in stores or doctors offices. We actually use one of those on our screen door for added safety. Just be sure to check the batteries regularly. You can find the chimes on Amazon for as little as $10.
Constant Vigilance
I am always on high alert when I’m out with my little eloper. I cannot relax unless he’s in my sight. I annoy my husband with constant prodding. I’m pretty sure friends and family think I’m overreacting. I’m not. I’ve almost lost my child several times, despite being vigilant. The second you let your guard down is the second they slip off. It is exhausting, but necessary.
If you’re at a playground, make sure the gate is closed. If you’re at someone else’s house, keep your child in sight at all times. Do not let your child get too far away on the street, or be sure you are holding his hand.
There have been times where I’ve stayed in because I knew I didn’t have it in me to watch him by myself. Again, you do what you have to do.
I’ve almost lost my child several times, despite being vigilant. The second you let your guard down is the second they slip off.
Find Safe Places
It helps to find places where you can relax. I avoid playgrounds near busy streets. I find fenced-in play areas. When we go on hikes, we find places away from traffic and dangerous terrain. We rarely eat outside in case my son decides to run off.
But it’s not the end of the world.
For days when I just don’t have the energy to really keep a close eye on him, I’ve found a few playgrounds that are completely fenced in with only one gate. A café in my neighborhood has a kids’ room so I can catch up with a friend while he’s occupied and in sight. Understanding friends will be happy to meet you at these places so you can actually have a conversation without being on edge.
Alert Neighbors, Schools, Caregivers
The bit of advice came from a behavioral seminar: Create a letter or email explaining your situation. Include a picture of your child along with your contact information. Distribute it to your neighbors. Let them know that if they see your child out without an adult, to please take him or her in and call you. It’s also a good idea to have a few numbers of your neighbors programmed in your phone so if your child does escape or go missing, you can send a group text to let them know to look. It really does take a village.
Related: I Hear My Kids Loud and Clear
Make sure anyone watching your child is aware of the elopement issue. We have family members that don’t understand how serious this is, so we don’t leave our son alone with them. Alert your child’s school and make sure they know this is a major concern. Our son escaped from his preschool playground once despite us warning the staff. Oftentimes people don’t take elopement seriously, and that can end tragically.
Think Strategically
Try to think strategically at all times. If you know you’re going to be in a big crowd, dress your child in clothing that will stand out so you can pick them out of a crowd. Depending where you are, consider taking shoes off to slow your child down. And think about what you’re wearing, too. I rarely wear skirts or heels because I need to be ready to sprint, or crawl, or get dirty whenever I’m with my kids.
If you have multiple children, think about the equipment you need to get them places. I almost always have a stroller and an ergo carrier with me, and have strapped my littler people in the stroller so I could dash off to get my son when he’s escaped from the playground.
Plan Ahead
Take your child’s elopement tendencies into consideration when planning trips or visiting family. When booking vacation, I always try to get a house far off the main road. I think about the doors and where they are placed. I take a bag filled with child locks and alarms so we can make the stay as enjoyable and laid back as possible.
Prevention
I know families that place large STOP signs on their doors so their child gets a visual cue before trying to leave. Others use baby monitors or video-monitoring systems to keep an eye out and prevent an escape.
I know families that place large STOP signs on their doors so their child gets a visual cue before trying to leave.
Tracking Devices
And of course, there are plenty of tracking devices out there to alert you if your child has wandered off and even tell you where they are. You can find plenty with a simple search.
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