Single Parent, Double the Love

My mother-in-law, Joanne Tierney, didn’t want to be a single parent. She was made a single parent when her husband, Fred, died suddenly of a heart attack at age 39. The couple had two young children, aged eight and seven.

Joanne went back to school to get her master’s degree in education, graduating with an “A” average. She also maintained her home in Worcester, Massachusetts, raised two fine young people, and influenced countless children as a schoolteacher. She is wealthy in dear friends — some of whom were there for her during the devastating time after her husband’s death. Joanne is my mother-in-law but also one of my best friends — and one of my heroes.

“You just do what you have to do at the time,” she once told me of her newfound widowhood.

Today is National Single Parent Day — a day to acknowledge the hard work of single parents around the nation. It was begun by mom Janice Moglen, who raised her two now-grown children largely on her own, according to the Colorado Springs Gazette. She struggled repeatedly to find child care, something not readily accessible in the 1970s.

Moglen collaborated with Parents Without Partners and petitioned to have states declare recognition of Single Parent Day. Proclamation 5166 was signed by President Reagan, declaring March 21, 1984, as National Single Parent Day.

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“Many single parents in America are making valiant efforts on behalf of their children under trying circumstances,” the signed proclamation said. “Whether it is a deserted spouse forced to work and care for children simultaneously, or a spouse who is not receiving child support that has been awarded by a court, or an unwed mother who has bravely foregone the all-too-available option of abortion, or a widow or widower, single parents deserve our recognition and appreciation for their demonstrated dedication to their young.”

The proclamation notes what all single parents do every day for their children. “Single parents can and do provide children with the financial, physical, emotional, and social support they need to take their places as productive and mature citizens. With the active interest and support of friends, relatives, and local communities, they can do even more to raise their children in the best possible environment.”

Of all single-parent families in the U.S., single mothers make up the majority. The U.S. Census Bureau says that out of about 12 million single-parent families in 2016, more than 80 percent were headed by single mothers.

Related: The Number One Secret of Great Parents

While a single woman trying to adopt might have once been passed over in favor of a couple, agencies are today seeing more applications from single parents — and are more receptive to them.

Ohio-based caseworker Liska Hall told Bust.com in 2015, “Fifteen or 20 years ago, the average social worker would have said a two-parent home was ideal, but I don’t think very many of us would say that now.”

Sadly, due to the absence of fathers in the home, many single mothers in America are living in poverty.

Today, one in four children under the age of 18 — a total of about 17.2 million kids — are being raised without a father, and almost half of them — or 40 percent — live below the poverty line, according to Singlemotherguide.com. For those living with their father, about 21 percent live in poverty. In contrast, among children living with both parents, only 11 percent are counted as poor.

Single parenting can be lonely, scary, and exhausting. “I divorced when my daughter was very young, and even though the choice was mine, I lay awake in bed at night for several months and would just cry,” one Braintree, Massachusetts, single mom, now in her 50s, told LifeZette. “Could I do this? Would she resent me later for depriving her of her dad full-time? What if I lost my job or my day care?”

Related: Mom Uses Tax Refund to Pay Full Year’s Rent

Single parenting can also be the adventure of a lifetime. “The bond I have with my adult daughter is the treasure of my life,” said the Massachusetts mom. “She is very protective of me, calling and texting me every day to check in. It wasn’t always easy, but we had so many laughs and adventures along the way. Thanks to her dad, who was also a wonderful single parent, we made this work, beautifully.”

As for my mother-in-law Joanne, she is now an extraordinary grandmother and still an amazing mom. In the cycle of life, she is a single parent and grandparent again, having lost her second loving husband, Jack, several years ago.

Thanks, Mom, for all you have done in your life for kids — your own, mine, and others. Let’s all take a moment today to thank the special single parents in our lives — and ask what we can do to be of greater support to them.