Selfies at a Funeral — Really?

There’s nothing quite like attending a funeral service and being distracted by someone taking a selfie.

As loved ones weep and a priest or pastor shares healing wisdom for the bereft, the offender leans in and snaps a pic of himself or herself — then rushes to post it to social media.

A funeral director in Canada went on the radio recently to request that people reconsider taking out their phones during memorial services, Salt Lake City’s news channel KUTV reported.

How do you even caption a funeral selfie — “Check me out, I’m sad right now”?

“In many funeral parlors, we have very clear rules around limiting selfies,” said Denis Desrochers, president of the Corporation of Funeral Directors of Quebec, “or we tell the public that the families don’t want selfies.”

Have we lost all sense of what’s appropriate in the age of selfies and hashtags? Through our parents’ words and actions, we are supposed to learn what’s appropriate throughout life. It seems that in today’s world, these examples are harder to find.

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Even world leaders love an inappropriate selfie. At Nelson Mandela’s memorial service in 2013, Denmark Prime Minister Helle Thorning, British Prime Minister David Cameron, and American President Barack Obama all took a selfie together.

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The fascination with selfies is beyond what was previously imaginable. Made famous by the Kardashians and other celebrities who benefit from this form of self-promotion, selfies translate into publicity — which then turns into advertising dollars. They are setting the selfie tone, documenting every moment of their privileged lives.

We have come to a point where we have to be asked not to take them even at somber times. How ridiculous. How do you even caption a funeral selfie —”Look at me, I’m sad now. Hope to be happy later, though!” Common sense has gone out the window.

Selfies have taken over every facet of life — and now even death. It’s enough of an issue that funeral parlors have had to establish rules. Why wouldn’t you know that this is not the time or place for a selfie? How self-absorbed can today’s social media devotees be?

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This is not a party or a concert. It’s a time of sadness, deep loss, and incredible uncertainty for the family. We dress and act appropriately out of respect for the family. But whip out a phone in a black dress and pearls, and selfie your look? Seriously.

For those who apparently still need it, here are some tips on funeral etiquette, as shared by Advanceetiquette.com:

• Arrive on time and turn off your cellphone.
• Wear proper attire, and send a message of sympathy — and, if appropriate, flowers, or a contribution to a charity, if the family has requested it.
• Respect the family’s wishes and observe cultural, religious and other practices.
• Brief children ahead of time on what they may see and hear, if they’re mature enough to attend.
• There shouldn’t be a need to add “no selfies” to this list. If you follow the etiquette guidelines above, your cell phone will already be off.
• At a funeral, take time to shut off everything — your phone, your worries, your busy thoughts. Take time to honor the life of the deceased and pray for this person’s soul. Your example will create the next generation — who will know when it’s important to unplug and really connect, in infinitely more meaningful ways.

Lisa Ferrari is a freelance writer from Nottingham, New Hampshire.