‘Mommy, I Need a Hug’

Taking my two children to school in the morning is uncomplicated — normally.

I’m pretty lucky. Both kids, ages 4 and 2, love to socialize and give me very little trouble with the typical emotions that come with many day school drop-offs. One recent morning, it was different.

In the car, my daughter began asking questions. I should have suspected something was awry.

“Why do I have to go to school?” she began.

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“To learn, and to grow big and strong,” I explained. (Being a big superhero is very important to her these days.)

“Why can’t I stay with you?” she said.

I know, my little buddy. I want to spend every minute with you, too. At least most days.

“Your friends would miss you very much if you didn’t go to school. You all have such a good time!” I said, trying hard.

Then she hit me with the heartbreaker: “But I want to be with you. Why do you go to work?”

Then she hit me with the heartbreaker: “But I want to be with you. Why do you go to work?”

I’d known these kinds of questions were coming, but I wasn’t prepared for the pain that came with that little question.

“I go to work to make money,” I answered.

“To make money?” she asked. “Why do we need money?”

“I work to make money to buy mac and cheese,” I finished. The conversation was over.

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But once we reached the parking lot of the school, she began clinging to my legs.

This was new behavior. She is my social butterfly. This is a girl who wants to be with people. She wants to make new friends, learn a new skill, paint, run, climb, play dolls, be a superhero, get dirty every day. But that morning, she just wanted me.

As her little brother ran right into his classroom, kissed me goodbye, and pushed me out, she began to sob. As if this reaction wasn’t explanation enough, she has a signal for when she is emotionally wrecked. Aside from the tears and the tantrum, she has a phrase. She has figured out a way to let me know that she has feelings and she needs help.

She wants to make new friends, learn a new skill, paint, run, climb, play dolls, be a superhero, and get dirty every day. But this morning, she just wanted me.

“Mommy, you need to give me a hug,” she whispers.

When she says this, no matter what I’m doing — preparing dinner, putting backpacks together or dropping off kids at school — I need to stop and pay attention.

She needs me to remind her how much I love her. That my day begins when she walks into my room and gives me a hug. Nothing is more important to me. Not the routine, getting to work or staying out of the rain. She has made my heart huge.

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She will never know these things the way I do, but a hug is a good start.

I sat there, on the floor of her day school, just holding her in my lap. Rocking her like she was my little baby again. This small and brief embrace doesn’t feel adequate to me, but this is what she craves. To know that even though Mommy has to work, and even though she can’t be with me all day, I love her.

I love her through her tears. Love her enough to forget the things that keep me from being with her all day and just sit on the floor in a hug.

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