I wasn’t holding a winning ticket. I won’t be collecting my share of the $983.5 million. (Sigh.)

The $1.6 billion Powerball announced three big winners in California, Florida, and Tennessee, and each will walk away with $528.8 million, lottery officials said in California, one of the 44 states plus Washington, D.C., and two territories that sold Powerball tickets.

The odds of having the winning numbers: 1 in 292 million.

Granted, my husband and I only bought one ticket. (It’s January. We’re in austerity mode.) Still, that one tiny sliver of hope was enough to make us dream about what we might do. The vision included paying off bills and the mortgage, tucking away enough for family and friends, and flooding the kids’ college fund. We’d also offer a hefty dose to our church and the kids’ school (laptops for everyone!) as well as a few favorite charities.

We’d also buy a farm for abused and unwanted animals, and compete with on-site vets and many animal caregivers. We’d build a house on the property, too, sort of a second home for our family of four, where we could frolic in the countryside, fish in a pond, breathe fresh air and make homemade jam. And we’d have staff.

But why stop there? We’d buy a place in Italy (for me) and England (for hubby). And while in Italy, I’d get a pair of really nice boots, which I had wanted to do at Christmas but didn’t.

Related: Ten Things Hillary Could Have Done with Powerball Cash

But then I began to feel heavy, as if all those choices and obligations would weigh us down. Past lottery winners have become victims of robberies, even murder. Many winners are broke within seven years, notes the New York Daily News. Some “winners” go plain crazy, regretting they didn’t tear up their tickets. Would that kind of money really be worth the trouble? Would we have to disclose our winnings to the public? If not, should we even tell friends? What would this do to our family?

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I posed these questions to a few friends. One wondered how we’d teach our kids that success comes from hard work if we’re just handed a big fat check. She also said she’d worry the kids would “be jumped for their lunch money at school.”

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Another considered her personal relationships. “It would change the tenor of every conversation I’d have from now on.”

The kids, once the news got out, would certainly see that Mommy and Daddy were less worried about some things, and way more worried about others.

My husband, Kevin, imagined how we’d handle the winnings within our circle of friends and acquaintances.

“Surely the good folks who are living paycheck to paycheck could use our help, and suddenly we’d have everything, and could solve everything for everyone,” he says. “But what if we didn’t? What does that do to a friendship? Part of the joys of community is that everyone fights the good fight together — and suddenly you’re not fighting. Ultimately, you’re not in the group anymore.”

Finally I stopped all of this daydreaming and did what that old church hymn advises: I counted my blessings.

  • Aside from seasonal sniffles and a recent bout with the flu, we’re healthy.
  • My kids have amazing teachers at school who care about developing active brains and strong character.
  • I have the luxury of complaining about our “loads of laundry.”
  • We have friendships that are real because what we offer doesn’t include buckets of money.
  • We’re part of a tight community that has built a great neighborhood playground and has an unprecedented public/private partnership for more good things ahead.
  • We laugh every night.

Bingo. We’ve won the lottery already. We just had to remind ourselves.

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