Many parents struggle to create and maintain a household schedule. As a family therapist, I often hear that getting through the 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. time slot of homework, dinner, baths and bedtime is a monumental effort. When working with kids who have behavior problems, establishing a regular routine and sticking to it is one of the first steps therapists recommend.

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For children who struggle with transitions and focus, such as those with anxiety-related or attention deficit diagnoses, a schedule becomes critical to successfully navigating the day. A predictable schedule actually works wonders for all members of the family, no matter who they are. Children and adults alike benefit from knowing that dinner will be at 6 p.m., we walk the dog at 7 p.m. and we pack tomorrow’s lunches at 7:45 p.m.

On their own, time charts hold no magical power for families, but they can be a valuable tool. The catch is that many parents have trouble finding the energy to remember to use and follow through with their own rules at night when they are exhausted, have to get dinner to get on the table, and have laundry to put away.

However, if you can find a way to stick with your time charts until it goes from headache to habit, you will find it rewarding. A great way to avoid arguing with an irritable child is to simply point to the chart.

If the routine for homework, chores, bedtime and more isn’t established, it leaves all of these things open to nightly chaos and debates from strong-willed kids. Children can spend a lot of time reminding you that they stayed up until 9:30 p.m. the past two nights. “So why do I need to go back to my 8:45 p.m. bedtime?”

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Or, you could forget the chore chart for a night and then hear, “Why should I take out the trash tonight? You forgot to make my sister take it out last night.”

Creating the Chart
Your schedule can be an actual timeline, or a chore or behavior chart. Often it’s kid-created, with markers and construction paper, or printed from parenting websites ready to go, and posted on the fridge with boxes to check off for tasks completed.

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These systems usually include some sort of reward for racking up lots of checks or stars. It’s helpful to include the kids in the list making; that way, they’re invested in the process.

Sometimes families also post household rules, complete with consequences listed for misbehavior. Consequences usually start with warnings and progress to loss of various privileges or prized possessions.

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Remember, whether it is getting to the gym or adopting a new parenting strategy, new habits are hard to form and slip-ups are common. That’s OK. Forgetting to remind the kids of chores on a Tuesday night does not mean throwing expectations out the window. Simply regroup and get back to the plan. Ignore the grumbling as much as possible, impose consequences if it goes too far, and always acknowledge good behavior.

The goal is to get to the place where you won’t have to remind your children about routine tasks. You won’t remind them to clear the table or brush their teeth; they’ll remind you that they have completed the items on the list.

One of their check-worthy goals could even be doing chores with no reminders.

Whether you pick all or none of these parenting strategies, remind yourself that great parenting isn’t about getting it right every time or using fancy strategies. Amazing parents are simply present in their children’s lives, providing love and stability through both good and bad days.

Jill Kaufmann, LMFT, is a family therapist in Bend, Oregon.

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