You want to kill him.

Not literally, of course. But you’ve asked your husband to fix the bathroom sink again. To clean the basement — again. To finish that yard project he promised he would do weeks ago — again.

And while you’re navigating the broken sink, cluttered basement, or hole in the yard, he’s channel surfing, fishing with his buddies, or trying to beat the world record for most video games played in a day by a grown man.

His attitude implies he’s put in his 40 hours and everything else is free time. But there’s also a household to run and kids to raise. Why does it feel like you’re the only responsible adult living here?

“Women want their husbands to work with them to feel more satisfied in their marriage,” said Erin Holmes, an associate professor of family life at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah.

[lz_related_box id=”4967″]

But many of us can’t seem to get that, no matter how much we ask.

“Our weekends begin with him enjoying a third cup of coffee over the morning newspapers while I make breakfast, clean up around the house, and organize the children’s day,” said mom and author Leslie Bennetts. “I’m the one everyone asks when they want to know when the next orthodontist appointment is, what the cross-country meet schedule is, or where the birthday party is being held … And yet everyone acts as if [he] deserves some kind of medal just for making a run to the supermarket. No one has ever suggested that I’m a heroine for doing the things every mother is expected to do.”

It’s clear there’s some exasperation here.

“If you look at the women who work part-time and who are married to men who work full-time, the workloads are about even,” said Sara Raley, an associate professor of sociology at McDaniel College in Maryland. “But in families with working mothers of young children, women do more overall work than men.”

Who do you think would win the Presidency?

By completing the poll, you agree to receive emails from LifeZette, occasional offers from our partners and that you've read and agree to our privacy policy and legal statement.

How much more housework? Over eight hours a week, or one whole workday, more than their partners, according to a Bureau of Labor Statistics study done in 2013. Parenting Magazine reported in 2011 that out of 1,000 surveyed mothers, a peeved 44 percent were tired of asking their partners to pitch in with the house and kids, instead of just seeing what needed to be done and doing it. Even free time was unbalanced.

[lz_infobox]The housework gender gap is a common source of friction: A BabyCenter survey of more than 12,000 readers found that 63 percent of couples with children at home argue over cleaning. And nearly half of respondents say they resent having to do more housework, cooking, and laundry than their mates.[/lz_infobox]

“The meaning of free time for men’s and women’s lives are quite different,” said Liana Sayer, Ph.D., who is with the Maryland Population Research Center. “Especially for wives and mothers, it appears free time is still combined with other activities or responsibilities.”

So while your husband is spending his extra time golfing or fishing, you’re probably still planning your kid’s birthday party or calling your mother. And while women may joke about “childish” husbands, the irresponsibility can cause serious problems in some families.

[lz_related_box id=”119669″]

“My husband and I have been married for almost nine years. We have two children, and our youngest is autistic. My life is extremely stressful,” said Annette Jones (not her real name). “I’m getting physically sick because of the huge toll on me every day. I’m experiencing anxiety attacks and having frequent crying spells … I resent having to be the one to pull nearly all of the weight.”

Something needs to give before you break — or before your marriage does.

A. Lynn Scoresby, an author and marriage/family psychologist for over 35 years, suggests several ways to work with an irresponsible spouse.

1.) Be clear and specific about what needs to change. “Sit down and talk about which behaviors are problematic or offensive,” Scoresby advised. “Be very specific and clear in your expectations. Make sure you pick things that actually can be changed and write down your ideas.”

2.) Patiently work on one thing at a time. Pick the most problematic behavior and work on that before moving onto the next one.

3.) Do not depend on your partner for all of your needs. Spend time with friends, develop your own interests, and create a support team that can give advice and encouragement. This includes professional help. If the situation has become overwhelming, find a counselor, even if you do it alone.

None of this, mind you, will fix the problem if your partner doesn’t want to step up. But getting it off your chest — without fighting or nagging — and finding another outlet for your stress still benefits you. 

And ultimately, that benefits your kids, so it’s definitely worth it.