‘Discover What Makes a Spouse Happy — and Loved’

Most husbands put off their Christmas shopping until just a few days before the holiday. While two-day shipping makes that easier than ever, Christmas shopping is not something most men look forward to — most struggle with finding the right gift for their wife.

A consumer research firm, ATYM, reports that only 31 percent of men look forward to Christmas shopping. That means the rest of us dread it. So compared to 70 percent of women who feel it’s important to find the right gift, only 30 percent of men make finding the right gift a priority. We’d rather just get something and call it done. But while we’re getting it done, we’re likely to spend more than women.

I’ve struggled with Christmas shopping for my wife for almost 30 years. Early in our relationship, I relied on advertising and sales consultants to guide me to the right gift. I bought sweaters, blouses, wall decorations, kitchen gadgets, and more. I felt disappointed when more often than not my wife returned the gifts — and bought what she really wanted. Sometimes I’d find the gifts tucked away in a closet, where they gathered dust until the next Goodwill run.

In recent years, I’m less disappointed than I used to be. I’m better at Christmas shopping for my wife than ever. I’ve discovered a formula that makes it easier to get the job done. Not only is it easier to get the gift-buying done — she’s also happier to get the gifts she receives.

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Here’s how it works.

Discover what makes her happy — and loved. Despite what the advertising might suggest, not all women want jewelry, perfume, or a department store gift card. My wife prefers quality time together with the family. She wants to make memories. So my gifts to her focus more on things we can do together as a couple or as a family.

Rather than receiving merchandise pulled off a shelf, many wives would rather spend an evening alone with their husband — enjoying a meal prepared by someone else. Others would prefer a family weekend at the beach, lake or mountain. Some would prefer their husband volunteer with them, serving others or raising money for a favorite charity.

Related: 15 Wise Ways to Save Money During the Holidays

Before racking up charges on your credit card for things your wife will only take back or leave in a drawer, know what makes her feel loved and happy.

Pay attention to what gets her attention. I took note of the magazines she reads, the TV ads she comments on, and the displays that get her attention as she strolls through a store. I listen as she talks to me and to friends and family. Throughout the year, my wife will drop clues that can lead me to gifts that she’ll find meaningful.

There’s a bit more joy, knowing the gifts my wife receives on Christmas morning are gifts she won’t want to return.

After putting effort into the previous steps, this one is critical. During the year, as I discover potential gift ideas, I take note. I keep a written list of potential gift items, as I know I’ll forget if I don’t. I make a list on the Reminders app on my iPhone titled “Christmas.” For husbands not into smartphone technology, a piece of paper tucked into the wallet works well, too.

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Wherever you put your list, make it a place you can access quickly before you forget what you were going to put on it.

By doing this consistently throughout the year, Christmas shopping for my wife is less of a chore. There’s a bit more joy, knowing the gifts she receives on Christmas morning are gifts she won’t want to return.

Jon Beaty, counselor and father of two, lives near Portland, Oregon. He’s the author of the book “If You’re Not Growing, You’re Dying: 7 Habits for Thriving in Your Faith, Relationships and Work.”