Coming Clean on Teens

How many loads of wash have you done for your college-age son or daughters so far this summer?

The laundry wars have been in full swing, and in short order our kids will soon be heading back to their dorms and apartments, where they’ll be stuck with their dirty clothes all over again. Just out of curiosity, we asked a slew of moms and dads their thoughts about doing their college kid’s laundry this summer or not, about independence, the parent-child tug of war, help around the house and more.

We heard a mouthful. Here’s what they told us in their own words:

Having three athletes — two of them in college — I measure laundry in feet, not loads. So the only true thing I know is if it’s work clothes or something that’s absolutely necessary like a uniform, I better help them make sure it gets done, as the drama will bounce back on me if it isn’t clean when it needs to be. There is a price for peace! — Betsy from San Diego

I don’t mind doing my two kids’ laundry. They help me around the house, so it all evens out. — Vera from New York City

Related: Whose Dirty Laundry Is It?

I am thinking that this should be the least of a parent’s worries, and that a parent would have already done a damn fine job if this were the most worrisome. — Ruth from Westchester County, New York

I don’t mind doing my two kids’ laundry. They help me around the house, so I find it all evens out. – Vera from New York City

My three children are grown and gone and I miss doing these things. The years go by so fast and you will miss doing things like their washing clothes. — Elaine from Clearwater, Florida

Guilty as charged! I do my son’s laundry when he is home from college. Laundry in our house has always been an emotional connection to and a reminder of home because it smells a certain way when I do it — and it’s softer. The kids like returning to that … and I like serving it up! — Lyn from Putnam County, New York 

Doing their own wash is a great way for kids to learn responsibility and gain a practical skill. — Betty from New York City

My daughter has done her own laundry for years and should, as her contribution to household chores. I do it only if I want to. — Andrea from Fair Lawn, New Jersey

There’s no one right answer, just examples. Here’s ours: Our kids have folded and put away their own laundry since I can remember. But it’s more efficient for us, the parents, to wash and dry everything together, so we do that. Our 17-year-old, however, is more than capable of running his own load when he needs to, and he does. — Ann from Westchester County, New York

My daughter has done her own laundry for years and should, as her contribution to the household chores. I will do it only if I want to. She should still be expecting to do it herself. — Andrea from Fair Lawn, New Jersey

Related: Shock and Awe at My College Reunion

Before my son left for college, I did almost everything for him. Years later he stated he didn’t even know how to balance a checkbook because of my “generosity.” We enjoy other things now, and he found much more than his independence. — Linda from Merritt Island, Florida

My sons started doing their own laundry at ages 11 and 13, and they have been doing it ever since. It never occurred to me to start doing it for them when they were home from college or after graduation. I raised my kids to be independent by giving them responsibilities and supporting them to problem-solve and be accountable for their decisions at an early age. This approach served them very well throughout high school, college and into early adulthood. I was happy to watch them easily mature into responsible independent adults with excellent coping skills and problem-solving abilities. — Susan from West Windsor, New Jersey