A Camp Counselor’s Secrets

Working with toddlers at a day camp this summer, I’ve learned more about the art and the science of parenting in the past three weeks than I have ever learned in my life.

I’ve been exposed to the mothers of all the children in my group. Eight kids. Eight moms. That’s a lot of learning for a young student like me.

Given the insight I’ve quickly accumulated, here, for parents of all kids, is my counselor’s-eye view of children and parenting and the relationship between them:

1. Your kids are different when they’re away from you.
The moment your children walk into camp, they change. They don’t get better or worse — they become more themselves. How so, you ask? They aren’t caught up in the drama of the relationship they have with you. They relax and learn about what goes on in the world around them, the one they’ve just entered that is beyond your reach.

They see how people dress, what foods they eat, how they talk. They learn new words and phrases. They take cues from their peers, not just from you. Out of their comfort zone, they soak up everything around them. Which makes me want to advise parents of the value of doing this with your kids as much as possible. Expose them to many places, many people so they can ask new questions and grow in every way possible.

2. Your kids are smarter than you think.
When they’re interacting with other kids and are asked questions beyond such basics as “What do you want for breakfast?” they’re learning on the fly, exploring new topics and demonstrating knowledge you might not realize they possess. For example, our 2-year-olds were making stacks of pancakes out of Playdough one morning when suddenly, they began playing a game by taking on different “roles” within a family. They made the intellectual leap from shaping Playdough into circles to recreating family relationships

In any new environment, kids undergo new experiences and develop new opinions. They may tell counselors or fellow campers things they’re embarrassed to tell you, so you may not know everything going on inside your little one’s head.

Take the time to ask them not just what they did at camp, but what they thought about those activities, what they learned, and what they said. Allow them to share opinions and experiences different from your own.

3. Your kids’ behavior is often a reflection of your behavior.
Parents are afraid their kids will behave badly; it might reflect poorly on them. They’re afraid people will think their kids aren’t being raised properly and that the bad behavior is a function of bad parenting.

Guess what? You’re probably right. As the expression goes, “What you’re doing speaks so loudly I can hardly hear a word you’re saying.” We can tell which kids have parents who yell a lot (those kids yell a lot) or which parents spank (those children are usually the most aggressive with other kids). Your kids reveal a lot more about you than you may think.

4. Your kids need permission to have fun. 
Your kids have always been told, “Don’t make a mess,” or “Let’s try to color inside the lines.” At camp, we see kids who are just horrified at the idea of participating in finger painting, shaving foam activities, or messy art.

After hearing this all their young lives, it seems abnormal to them to do something forbidden, or worse, something you may not like. Often the kids who are too afraid to participate in a messy activity are also the last ones in the pool, in the bounce house, on the playing field or on the stage.

Show your kids it’s OK to get messy in a place that is meant to be messy. Camp is not their bedroom or dining room, and it’s certainly not their classroom. It’s camp. Summer camp. So give them your OK to dig in, get messy, experiment with new activities and learn a ton in the process.

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