In a tearful voice, the woman who had called the crisis line wailed, “I just can’t do this anymore. I love my mother, but she asks the same questions over and over. She thinks my daughters are stealing her clothes.”

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I listened to this caretaker’s story of weariness and frustration. She went on with anger, “My sister and brother are no help. My husband has no patience, with me or with my mother!”

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Sober for 12 years, she was ready to walk to the neighborhood liquor store just two blocks away.

Related: Alzheimer’s Made Clearer

I let her talk, and when she was calmer I told her how others often find the demands of caregiving overwhelming. Then I asked her what she was doing to take care of herself.

There’s a reason why, on planes, we receive this instruction: “If you are traveling with someone who requires assistance, secure your mask first.” I remember thinking, How could I possibly do that and not put on my child’s mask first? But it makes sense. If you pass out, you’re no help to anyone.

The same is true for trying to care for someone with Alzheimer’s.

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Financial pressures, family feuds, managing difficult behaviors and lack of sleep can easily become draining.

Before you reach the point of passing out — physically or emotionally — remember to “secure your own oxygen mask first” to maintain some balance in your life, and to be there for the person who needs care over the long-term.

Related: Am I Doomed to Alzheimer’s?

For every person with Alzheimer’s disease, there are others deeply affected by the diagnosis. Spouses, children, siblings, other relatives and friends are touched by the disease. Primary caregivers are especially susceptible to feelings of isolation, loneliness, exhaustion, guilt, anxiety, grief, and depression.

“I felt very alone when my husband began to show signs of Alzheimer’s,”Amy Hittner, a professor emeritus in psychology at San Francisco State University, told LifeZette. “He was a brilliant man. He took care of everything. He was articulate and witty. In the end, Alzheimer’s took all that away from him, and I felt lonely.”

Self care is vital for those burdened with caregiving. Exercise, meditation, socializing with friends, interacting with a pet and setting aside at least 20 minutes each day just for yourself can help relieve stress. Prayer and spiritual practice are also helpful in reducing a sense of isolation.

Related: Could You Have Alzheimer’s?

Support groups are another vital yet undervalued resource.

“Some people avoid support groups because they don’t want to hear other people’s sad stories,” Alexandra Morris, a gerontologist for the Alzheimer’s Association in San Jose, California, told LifeZette. But Morris said such groups “offer validation, encouragement, practical advice, friendship and empowerment.”

She added, “Isolation is eased by feeling understood. Problem solving together can solve many a thorny problem. Aiding others in your group can relieve the sense of helplessness, and learning that others have made it through difficult times can ease anxiety.” 

In my own practice as a social worker dealing with many health and caregiver issues, I have found that men in particular feel that support groups and other services are for “sissies.” As one man put it, “I’m a guy. I tough it out.”

Men in particular feel support groups and other services are for “sissies.” As one man put it, “I’m a guy. I tough it out.”

Counseling and family therapy also can be helpful to caregivers dealing with painful feelings of grief and loss. Hittner went to counseling faithfully to help her deal with feelings of grief and loss.  

“The person I knew was no longer there. With Alzheimer’s, you have lost the person before they have died,” she said.  

Related: New Guard Against Dementia

Feelings are like dreams. We don’t ask to have them. They come to us unbidden. What we do with these feelings is what makes a difference.

Anger, helplessness and despair, like those expressed by the anonymous caller on a crisis hotline, are hard to manage alone. Facing such feelings, understanding them, and walking through them is often best done with the help of others.  

Being an Alzheimer’s caretaker, often without acknowledgement or understanding from the person receiving care, can be very demanding and draining. Taking time to rest and recharge becomes a matter of survival, not only for oneself, but the person in your care. That is why, during times of turbulence, the “fasten seatbelt” sign goes on during a flight.

Remind yourself to return to your seat and reach for your own oxygen mask first.