My older sister’s best friend, Martha, told me shortly after I was ordained a priest, “Congratulations, Father Michael! But as a priest, what can you possibly tell me about marriage?”

[lz_org_series]

Nearly 17 years ago, when I was fresh off the block, Martha had a point.

But now, after hearing thousands of confessions, offering monthly marital counseling and spiritual direction for hundreds of married men and women, working with more than 1,000 kids in youth programs, and serving as chaplain in grade schools and high schools, the same refrain of “marital issues” seems to be repeating itself.

[lz_jwplayer video=”Irvav07y” ads=“true”]

The sure path to personal fulfillment, and the best gift you can offer your children, is an incredible marriage. I hope these simple tips for a strong marriage may be helpful to you.

1. Keep God at the center of your marriage.
The focus should be centered on loving God above all things and growing in this love as a couple. My mom recently said to me, “Michael, if you love God, how can anything be hard?” If the Lord is accompanying and blessing your marriage, it will bear fruit. I also recommend praying for each other, especially when you know your spouse is going through hard times.

2. Every marriage needs intimacy. 
Closeness and intimacy are an important way of communicating between spouses. Intimacy should not be used as a weapon to punish a spouse (unless there is a really serious reason) or as a means of manipulation to obtain what you desire. It does not always have to be romantic and a big production, but it is a critical component of a healthy relationship.

Men need to understand that most women generally find more validation in emotional and conversational connection and affirmation. It is easier for a wife to meet a husband’s physical intimacy needs if her emotional needs are also being met.

3. Have a date night or regularly scheduled special time together.
It may be expensive to go out to a nice restaurant, a hassle to get dressed up, and difficult to have quality conversations. But in the long run, this will be cheaper and less time consuming then paying for counseling or even divorce settlements. This shows your marriage is a priority and gives the husband and wife the necessary quality time to bond.

Who do you think would win the Presidency?

By completing the poll, you agree to receive emails from LifeZette, occasional offers from our partners and that you've read and agree to our privacy policy and legal statement.

Related: Iowans for Traditional Marriage

It is so important to do fun and meaningful things together — playing golf or tennis, cooking or gardening, going to the opera or museums, etc. Guys also need time with the guys, and gals need time with the gals!

4. Share empathetic communication.
Husbands need to learn to listen with sincere love, focused attention (cellphones aside) and warm empathy to their wives “as long as necessary.” Wives should respect their husband’s need for cave time, and try to avoid nagging and prodding when he is obviously not in a good mood. The words you say, and the tone with which you say those words, matter.

5. Love your spouse in the way he or she needs to be loved, not how you prefer to love.
I recommend “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman as a great resource to discover your spouse’s love language. Important elements are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch and more.

Related: Republicans Do Marriage Better

6. Show unity in parenting.
This allows you to have each other’s backs and to avoid making one spouse the perennial “bad cop.” Kids needs to see that you are governing from a united front. They are quick to see if you are not aligned.

7. Respect and recognize each other.
This values the effort and love that each spouse makes in both parenting and providing for the family. Don’t focus on the negative or what is missing, but affirm the positive and express it often. You can never say these words enough: “I love you” and “I am so grateful for who you are and what you do!”

So many happily married couples have recommended “holy amnesia” as a key component to marriage that I composed this simple poem to drive this point home:

Holy amnesia is the key
For matrimony to succeed.
For all the snores, complaints and moans,
Excessive focus on the phone,
Harsh words coupled with hurtful tones,
Spending? Far too many bank loans!
Toothpaste tubes curled the wrong way,
Not listening to what “I say,”
Preparing the coffee “your way,”
Trifles, troubles, trials each day.
Focus on the positive, please!
The virtues are what you should see.
Holy amnesia? Certainly.
But, love unconditionally!

Fr. Michael Sliney, LC, is a Catholic priest who is the New York chaplain of the Lumen Institute, an association of business and cultural leaders.