Although it naturally flows with reason and human nature, anger is a rational response to an injustice. Yet unbridled anger still needs to be put in check.
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Road rage, phone rage (I often witness this on the streets of New York City, where the level of passion and offensive language in the conversation is way over the top), and unfortunately much of our domestic and street violence are due as well to a basic lack of self-mastery and control.
Related: Social Media’s Shallow Spirituality
Anger is one of the seven deadly sins that we all need to avoid. I hope these tips will be helpful to many people as they work hard to keep tabs on their angry reactions to the world around them.
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1: Assume the ignorance and good will of those who harm us.
We often do not know the circumstances, the good faith or the motives behind someone’s actions, so we need to repeat with Christ: “Father, forgive them; they do know not what they are doing.” (Luke 23: 34)
2: “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you.” (Luke 6: 27)
St. John Paul II, who forgave and prayed for his would-be assassin, clearly states: “There are Christians who think they can dispense with this unceasing spiritual effort, because they do not see the urgency of standing before the truth of the Gospel.”
Lest their way of life be upset, they seek to take words like “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” and render them empty and innocuous.
For these people, it is extremely difficult to accept such words and to translate them into consistent patterns of behavior. They are, in fact, words that, if taken seriously, demand a radical conversion.
On the other hand, when we are offended or hurt, we are tempted to succumb to the psychological impulses of self-pity and revenge, ignoring Jesus’ call to love our enemy. Yet the daily experiences of human life show very clearly how much forgiveness and reconciliation are indispensable if there is to be genuine renewal, both personal and social. This applies not only to interpersonal relationships, but also to relationships between communities and nations.” (St. John Paul II, Message for Lent, 2001)
3: Take the “plank” out of our own eye before removing the splinter from our brother’s eye.
“The harder we are on ourselves, the easier we will be on others. The man who has never disciplined himself knows not how to be merciful. It is always the selfish who are unkind to others, and those who are hardest on themselves are the kindest to others.” (Bishop Fulton J. Sheen)
4: Reflect on God’s mercy towards you and be grateful when others forgive you of your transgressions.
When I was a junior in high school, my parents were having their annual Christmas party with their childhood and college friends, some of whom drove close to two hours to attend.
That night, my friends and I pulled what we thought was a funny prank on a girlfriend in our group who happened to be babysitting in the neighborhood. We decide to engage in “penny tapping.” We taped a penny to a string and then attached it to a window, so when the girl looked out the window she could only hear the noise but could not see anyone there.
The neighbors noticed us from their window and called the police, as it looked like we were trying to break into the home.
The cops caught my best friend Brian in the “getaway” car, and he assumed we would run to my house for cover. Within minutes, two armed police officers were standing in the middle of my parents’ dinner party confronting my dad about our activities. Needless to say, the party ended immediately.
When I finally made it home, I saw my mom crying in the kitchen, and she asked me, “Michael, do you realize what you did to your father and me this evening?”
Her merciful self-control was off the charts, and I can only hope to come close to that example!
5: Never act or react to someone when your passions are boiling.
It is prudent to wait until you are “detached” from the situation and you can address the person in a more balanced and considerate manner.
Fr. Michael Sliney, LC, is a Catholic priest who is the New York chaplain of the Lumen Institute, an association of business and cultural leaders.
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