Back in the 2010s, I subscribed to a publication called The Week. I enjoyed it because it consolidated news stories to brief liberal, conservative, and independent articles. As for its editorial stance, it seemed pretty moderate.

So, I was surprised the other day when an offer came in the mail to resubscribe. I toyed with the idea of doing it. I’d only canceled because I’d gotten too busy to read even its condensed content.

But now that I have a bit more time, I thought, maybe I should reconsider. I perused the mag and found it seemed to have more of a left lean than when I had a subscription. Still, I wanted to give it a chance.

So, I read a column called, “News Briefing” because it dealt with firearms. The article was credited to “The Week Staff.” So, I considered it an editorial, which showed me I was right about the “left feel” being their political stance—at least on guns, gun rights, and self-defense.

It was a gun-stupid article, attempting to define so-called “assault weapons” and why those inanimate objects are so mad-dog mean. The article, supposedly about AR-15s, was so unhinged as to toss any objectivity out the window. They delivered what they framed as “everything you need to know” about “assault rifles.”

Everything… and then some.

Still, it was an article where lefty anti-gun loons finally offered a “definition” for an “assault rifle.” But you must go to a gun-stupid leftist for that, right? Because you really can’t get a definition from a conservative gun guy or gal because, well, there isn’t one.

But another interesting discovery you may get from this article is that guns are deadly, and some guns are deadlier than others. Got that? 

So, here’s The Week’s (attempt at a) definition of “AR-15-style weapons.” They offer three “identifiable” features:

One, “They’re semiautomatic, meaning they can be repeatedly fired with the squeeze of the trigger.”

Who do you think would win the Presidency?

Love the way they snuck in “repeatedly fired.” Alluding to an automatic weapon, perhaps? Every semi-auto gun can be “repeatedly fired” with the squeeze of the trigger. Every revolver, too.  

Two, “they have detachable magazines for easy reloading.”

And…? Again, so does every semi-auto on the planet (but at least they called the bullet-holder-thingy a magazine, not a clip).

Three, “they have… a pistol grip, that allow shooters to fire continuously with their rifle trained on the target.”

Wait… are they saying you can’t “fire continuously” (again alluding to an automatic weapon) at a target with other semi-auto rifles? “With their rifle trained on the target?” WTF? Where else would you train your rifle?

Oh, my head hurts.

The rest of the article explores and explains why AR-15 rifles, gun manufacturers, and gun owners are so danged wicked. You can feel the gun-stupid oozing out of the article, practically dripping off the page.

No matter what “facts” they use, regarding the lethality of an AR-15 or the effectiveness of current gun laws, not one point they make changes that the atrocities nutcases committed in places like Uvalde, Buffalo, and Waukesha had nothing to do with any law-abiding gun owners of any kind of firearm–or motor vehicle.

Speaking of… I need to amend this list of “mass killers.” The anti-gun Democrats don’t count Waukesha because the suspect and victims were of the wrong racial equation. And the weapon used to kill and maim was an SUV, not a gun. The anti-gun left has not called for restricting or confiscating cars because, while they don’t own guns, they do drive cars.

There are some other quotes worth exploring for their entertainment value. For example:

“The AR-15 was engineered to cause “maximum wound effect.”

Apparently, the writers would prefer someone defending themselves should shoot the suspect to cause minimum wound effect. You know, so he can get back up and finish what he started.

They note, about the AR-15, “Features such as second-hand grips and thumb-hole stocks make the weapon easy to aim and hold with both hands while firing dozens of rounds with little recoil. ‘It’s the perfect killing machine.’”

“Second-hand grips?” Like you’d get at the Goodwill?

And who wouldn’t prefer a weapon that is hard to aim, hard to hold with both hands while firing, and has a mule-kick recoil? That’s what I look for in a gun.

And, you’ll recall Joe Biden’s recent spontaneous gun seminar when he told America a 9mm bullet will blow the lung right out of a person. For a demonstration, watch this hilarious video from The Babylon Bee, which I think The Week may have used for its research. After all, The Week could have borrowed its satirical headline: “Frightening But 100% True Facts About Guns,” including a weapon far more terrifying than an AR-15. The “fully semi-auto deadly scoped auto revolver with high capacity standard 30 round mag-clip.”

The Week even conscripted Adolph Hitler to make their point, offering a new term to replace “assault weapon.”

They said Hitler called a weapon similar to the AR-15, a Sturmgewehr: “storm weapon.” The Führer (who loved gun control) liked that the weapon was “easier to control because it kicked less.” Obviously, this makes law-abiding AR-15 owners very much like Hitler.

Although I must admit, I think I like “storm weapon” better than “assault rifle.” Has a hint of “storm trooper” to it, right? And that was something leftists called me more than once during my career as a cop.