We don’t usually use CNN as a source in this publication. They are, to put it diplomatically, lying piles of cow dung. But this opportunity was too good to pass up. We’ll even give CNN the first shot.

“Jeffrey Toobin, CNN’s chief legal analyst and a renowned reporter for The New Yorker, has been sidelined at a pivotal moment in the run-up to the presidential election. The reason: He exposed himself during a Zoom call with colleagues in what he says was an accident. The New Yorker said that it had suspended Toobin following the incident, and said it was investigating the matter. The suspension was first reported by Vice on Monday.”

Close

The DC rumor, from people at CNN who’ve seen the video, is that he not only went commando, but was manually self-coiting during the Zoom meeting with colleagues.

The question presents itself, aside from the pervy inappropriateness of the action, what could be going on during the meeting that warranted such arousal? Does the pulsating eroticism of Wolf Blitzer or Jeff Zucker make Toobin’s libido throb with ecstasy? Did he have two screens, on one the Zoom meeting. On the other “Naughty Nymphs of Antifa”? Or maybe that Karl Marx classic, “Twerkers of the World Unite!”

Per the tweet: Given Toobin’s ideological proclivities, I’m betting on Gessen.

Though, this would explain a lot of his legal analysis, as he was…ahem…cough…distracted. Or perhaps using only one hand to type. Either way, he’s now a laughingstock and the puns I’m hearing on his name are not publishable in a family journal. Okay, maybe one is, “Jeffrey Ewwwwbin.”

Toobin did the obligatory mea culpa. Against CNN advice, he did not blame the mishap on Russia, “I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera. I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers. I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video.”

That certainly was a limp excuse from this jerk and Yankees fan. It showed no rhetorical stamina, no stroke of editorial staying power. It’s as if Toobin wanted to blow his own horn and just watch the flaccid explanation hit the media, instead of coming forth and giving a turgid response that would render the situation well in hand.

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This piece was written by David Kamioner on October 20, 2020. It originally appeared in DrewBerquist.com and is used by permission.

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