American society continues its descent into theater of the absurd as the pancake syrup brand Aunt Jemima has been deemed racist by Quaker Oats and their company owner PepsiCo. It was announced on Wednesday that the 130-year-old brand would be rebranded so as not to offend those who find racial offense in sugary breakfast condiments. The exact relationship between racism and pancake syrup is logically problematic and has not at this point been clarified by Quaker Oats or PepsiCo.

Aunt Jemima will be rebranded with a new name and image, said Quaker Oats, as the brand is “based on a racial stereotype.” The action is part of Quaker’s effort “to make progress toward racial equality.” How renaming a thick molasses-based French toast covering will advance the nation towards the dream of Dr. King was not quite spelled out by the PR department of Quaker Oats at press time.

“We recognize Aunt Jemima’s origins are based on a racial stereotype,” said Kristin Kroepfl, vice president and chief marketing officer of Quaker Foods North America in a Franz Kafka-inspired statement. “As we work to make progress toward racial equality through several initiatives, we also must take a hard look at our portfolio of brands and ensure they reflect our values and meet our consumers’ expectations. We acknowledge the brand has not progressed enough to appropriately reflect the confidence, warmth and dignity that we would like it to stand for today. We are starting by removing the image and changing the name. We will continue the conversation by gathering diverse perspectives from both our organization and the black community to further evolve the brand and make it one everyone can be proud to have in their pantry.” How an inanimate food item projects “confidence, warmth and dignity” is left to the imagination. Also, “pride of pantry” seems to be a new concept in the shining march towards racial equality in America. It is very possible “Pride” parades regarding kitchen-located consumables could be scheduled soon in many cities.

Through the next several years Quaker Foods has pledged the food conglomerate will fork over at least $5 million “to create meaningful, ongoing support and engagement in the black community.”

Aside from Uncle Ben, also potentially on the chopping block of equality are Chef Boyardee, the Gorton Fisherman, and Count Chocula, all vestiges of a viciously exploitative racist system that lulled citizens into rabid bigotry through seductive grocery store shelf packaging. No word yet on the unfortunately branded B&M Baked Beans.

This move by Quaker Oats follows a decision earlier this year by Land O’ Lakes Butter. The dairy firm removed the “racist” image of an Indian woman it had named “Mia” from its packaging. It was a logo that appeared on the butter brand’s label for nearly 100 years. This action was applauded by civil rights groups, as it sundered the sick and twisted relationship between racial intolerance and Native American-themed dairy products.