Tehran should get out its phone book, they are a tad antiquated there, and find the number of a good Hollywood crisis management maven in the mold of Marty Kaan, the fictional management consultant and PR icon from the Showtime series House of Lies.
Tuesday’s statement by Iranian President Hassan Rouhani, searching for a fall guy or gal on the Ukrainian jet shootdown of last Wednesday, certainly does not meet the Kaan standard.
To wit, “The government is accountable and we will fulfill our legal responsibilities but most importantly the people should be assured that such an event should not take place again.”
His statement has no zing, no oomph. He should try this, “Our spies deep inside the Great Satan have proven with conclusive evidence that the small craft in question had a mechanical malfunction briefly caused by the impact of a projectile from an unknown source. And hey, what about LSU?!”
Admit the least, blame the messenger, and change the subject: PR crisis management rules 1-3. The Clintons had this down to an art during their own impeachment brouhaha over twenty years ago. Remember how Ken Starr went from being a mild-mannered nerd lawyer to the Marquis de Sade? Yeah, that.
Tehran and CNN report, they probably share a fax line, that several people have been arrested in the “investigation.” Among them is the eventual main culprit, the person who filmed the shoot down likely on their phone.
Yup, down a jet killing 176 innocent people and the most responsible person for the butchery? Some passerby phone film maker.
That’s justice, Tehran style.