‘Parental Involvement Is the Key to Getting Kids Through the Storms of Adolescence’

There's clearly power in breaking bread together, as the noted family and faith leader shares here — but togetherness counts most

In a study conducted by Dr. Blake Bowden of the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Center, 527 teenagers were surveyed to learn what family and lifestyle characteristics were related to mental health and adjustment.

What they observed is that adolescents whose parents ate dinner with them five times per week or more were the least likely to be on drugs, to be depressed, or to be in trouble with the law.

Related: God’s Promise in the Midst of Challenge: He Is with Us and He Is in Control

They were also more likely to be doing well in school and to be surrounded by a supportive circle of friends. The benefit was seen even for families that didn’t eat together at home.

Those who met at fast-food restaurants had the same result. By contrast, the more poorly adjusted teens had parents who ate with them only three evenings per week or less.

Parental involvement is the key to getting kids through the storms of adolescence.

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In another investigation geared to younger children, Dr. Catherine Snow, professor of education at Harvard’s Graduate School of Education, followed 65 families over an eight-year period.

She found that dinnertime was of more value to child development than playtime, school, and story time.

Clearly, there is power in “breaking bread” together. But what do these findings really mean? Is there something magical about sitting down together over a meal?

No — and those parents who believe as much are in for a disappointment.

What Bowden’s study shows is that family relationships are what matters to adolescents.

When parents have time for their kids, when they get together almost every day for conversation and interaction — in this case, while eating — their teens do much better in school and in life.

Bottom line? Families bring stability and mental health to children and teens.

Family mealtimes continue to be great settings in which to impart the truths of our faith. As the blessings of the day are recounted, children see evidence of God’s loving, faithful care and the importance of honoring Him with a time of thanks.

With such strong evidence in support of family meals, it’s unfortunate that only one-third of U.S. families eat dinner together most nights. The hectic world in which we live has pressed in on all sides and caused us to eat on the run.

Some people “dine” more often in their cars or offices than they do at home, stuffing down a burrito or a hamburger while driving. Fortunately, it is possible for us to change this trend.

Related: The Family Meal Is Real

With determination and planning, we should be able to intersect each others’ worlds at least once every day or two. The most important ingredient is not what’s on the table — we can serve a home-cooked meal or call for a pasta delivery. What does make a difference is that we regularly set aside time to sit down and talk together.

Eating can also provide the centerpiece for family traditions, which give identity and belonging to each member.

To cite our own circumstances again, we have designated foods for every holiday. It’s turkey at Thanksgiving and Christmas, it’s red beans and ham on New Year’s Day, it’s baked ham on Easter, it’s barbecued hamburgers (made of turkey) on the Fourth of July, and it’s Chinese food on Christmas Eve (don’t ask me why).

There are many dimensions to the various traditions, which go far beyond the choice of foods. Each of us looks forward to those occasions, which are always filled with laughter, spontaneity, and meaning. Children love these kinds of recurring activities that bond them to their parents. I hope you have similar traditions of your own.

Finally, family mealtimes continue to be great settings in which to impart the truths of our faith. As the blessings of the day are recounted, children see evidence of God’s loving, faithful care and the importance of honoring Him with a time of thanks.

Related: America, Our Great Nation, Was Built on Faith

In our family, we never eat a meal without pausing first to express gratitude to the One who provides us with “every good and perfect gift” (James 1:17). I believe children of Christian parents should be taught to “say grace” every time meals are partaken.

Parents can also use that talking time to discuss biblical principles at the table and apply them to personal circumstances. Jesus used the time of fellowship created around meals to present many of His teachings. Acts 2:46-47 gives us a glimpse of how significant sharing a meal was to the early church by describing how believers “broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God.”

Dr. James Dobson is founder and president of Family Talk, a nonprofit organization that produces his radio program, “Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk.” He is the author of over 30 books about the preservation of the family, including “The New Dare to Discipline”; “Love for a Lifetime”; “Life on the Edge”; “Love Must Be Tough”; “The New Strong-Willed Child”; and, most recently, “Your Legacy: The Greatest Gift.”

Dr. Dobson served as an associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of Southern California School of Medicine for 14 years and on the attending staff of Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles for 17 years. He has been active in governmental affairs and has advised three U.S. presidents on family matters. He earned his Ph.D. from the University of Southern California (1967) in the field of child development. He holds 17 honorary doctoral degrees, and was inducted in 2008 into The National Radio Hall of Fame. He recently received the “Great American Award” from The Awakening. Dr. Dobson and his wife, Shirley, have two grown children and two grandchildren. This article appears in LifeZette by special permission and is from Dr. Dobson’s book, “Bringing Up Boys.” 

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