Young Dietician in New York Commits Suicide: See Her Heartbreaking Note
She loved life, food, travel — but wound up writing, 'I'm coming home, Dad. Make room up on that cloud and turn the Motown up'
This past Wednesday, Tara Condell, 27, was found dead in her apartment after a wellness check was placed to law enforcement.
Condell was a dietician and seemingly had the entire world going for her as she mentioned in her letter below.
She committed suicide by hanging.
Condell didn’t show up for work at Top Balance Nutrition in Manhattan on Wednesday, which made her co-workers uneasy after they discovered a concerning note she shared on her website.
When you visit her website, you’ll see the front page of her business page has been cleaned and replaced with a letter titled, “I Hate The Word ‘Bye,’ But See You Later Maybe?”
I have written this note several times in my head for over a decade, and this one finally feels right. No edits, no overthinking.
I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment, and I am just plain old-fashioned tired of feeling tired.
It seems Tara Condell had contemplated this action many times in the past and had found herself a way out of that dark place. But this time, she decided there was no escaping the inevitable decision.
She claims she had a great life — on paper, which leads me to believe she had a lot on her mind that was weighing her down.
I realize I am undeserving of thinking this way because I truly have a great life on paper. I’m fortunate to eat meals most only imagine. I often travel freely without restriction. I live alone in the second greatest American city (San Francisco, you’ll always have my heart). However, all these facets seem trivial to me. It’s the ultimate first world problem, I get it. I often felt detached while in a room full of my favorite people; I also felt absolutely nothing during what should have been the happiest and darkest times in my life. No single conversation or situation has led me to make this decision, so at what point do you metaphorically pull the trigger?
I’m going to miss doing NYT crosswords (I was getting really good). That one charcuterie board with taleggio AND ‘nduja. Anything Sichuan ma la, but that goes without saying. A perfect plate of carbonara (no cream!). Real true authentic street tacos. Cal-Italian cuisine. Hunan Bistro’s fried rice. The pork belly and grape mini from State Bird Provisions circa 2013. Popeye’s of course. Bambas, too.
I’m also going to miss unexpected hugs. Al Green’s Simply Beautiful. Cherries in July. Tracing a sleeping eyebrow. Smoking cigarettes. The Golden Gate Bridge at sunset. That first sip of iced cold brew in sticky August. Making eye contact with people walking down the street. When songs feel like they’re speaking to your soul. Jeopardy. Saying I love you. Late night junk food binges. Shooting the shit. And especially the no-destination-in-sight long walks.
No GoFundMes, no funeral, no tributes, no doing-too-much, please. All I ask now is for you to have one delicious (I mean a really, really great) meal in my honor and let me go, no exceptions.
It’s selfishly time for me to be happy and I know you can get down with that. Please try to remember me as a whole human you shared memories with and not just my final act. This is not your fault. It’s not exactly easy for me, either. I’m here for you. I love you. I always have and I always will, I promise. Shikata ga’nai.
I’m coming home, Dad. Make some room up on that cloud and turn the Motown up.
I’m really sorry, Mama.
According to the bio on her website, food was her passion, which I can understand.
examine your preconceptions and stereotypes about the types of people who experience severe depression and loss of hope.
"Young Manhattan dietitian Tara Condell hanged herself after posting suicide note"https://t.co/hkHSVlf73o
— Brian Cuban (@bcuban) January 31, 2019
She seems to have found that love from her late father, whom she referred to as a “foodie.” She used her Instagram page to share with others images of her dining, both in New York and around the world.
If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, you can get help by contacting the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255.
This piece originally appeared in WayneDupree.com and is used by permission.
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