Specialty Jeans May Spare You from Embarrassing Moments This Thanksgiving
Company offers flatulence-filtering jeans and other garments to keep certain 'things' under wraps (not making this up)
Diners are now free to enjoy Uncle Fred’s famous three-bean casserole or Grandma Mary’s amazing fudge brownies at this year’s Thanksgiving dinner — without fear of the silent but deadly flatulence.
A U.K-based company called Shreddies is offering an assortment of garments and accessories designed to muffle personal and gaseous odors.
“These are going to sell a lot better than Celine Dion’s gender-neutral demonic children’s wear, I promise,” joked Fox News contributor Raymond Arroyo to host Laura Ingraham of “The Ingraham Angle” on Fox News Monday night.
He added, “According to this company, a healthy person passes gas 14 times a day. During Thanksgiving, I’ll bet that’s multiplied by at least 12.”
Shreddies jeans and underpants contain a strategically located carbon cloth panel, which traps and neutralizes the smell, thwarting it from escaping and knocking out your mother, aunt or anyone else who worked very hard on that meal, by the way.
The activated carbon cloth sandwiched between layers of ordinary fabric is re-activated by washing, but there are special washing instructions to which owners must adhere lest the garments lose their stink-squelching powers.
Shreddies women’s and men’s jeans sell for about $129.
The least expensive pair of these undergarments will set you back about $25 for women and $32 for men.
The company suggests doubling up by wearing the specialty underpants beneath the specialty jeans — to ramp up your protective powers.
Shreddies also offers pajamas and a cushion with the same flatulence-filtering features.
All kidding aside, the company says its products can be helpful for folks who have gastrointestinal conditions that lead to excessive flatulence.
Though they obviously do not cure any health conditions, the products can help people feel more comfortable in social situations from a psychological perspective by reducing anxiety about any physical symptoms.
Such conditions include irritable bowel syndrome, gastritis, Crohn’s disease, dyspepsia, colitis, and food intolerances.
Shreddies garments come with some special wearing instructions that will maximize their effectiveness.
First off, they need to be snug.
Gaps at the waistband or leg openings will stop them from working properly.
In addition, the company suggests the following: “To avoid flatulence escaping around the filter we recommend that you stand with your legs together and try to let your wind out slowly. When sitting, keep your knees together so that flatulence escapes through the carbon panel.”
Presumably, this means that if the instructions are followed to the letter, wearing Shreddies may allow people to pass gas with confidence at Thanksgiving dinner.
— avengemyflange (@avengemyflange) October 24, 2018
— nitin pokharna (@Towardsglory) October 19, 2018
— My Shreddies (@ShreddiesPants) November 7, 2018
And check out this video from “The Ingraham Angle” segment on this rather “unique” clothing.
Michele Blood is a Flemington, New Jersey-based freelance writer and regular contributor to LifeZette.