The Anti-Oscars: Here Are the Awards You Really Need
Forget about Best Director, Best Actor or Actress in a Leading Role, Best Film ... these are far more authentic and interesting
And the award for “Most Obnoxious Political Remarks” goes to …
The red carpet rolled out Sunday night to welcome Tinseltown’s “finest” to the 90th annual Academy Awards at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood, California.
But instead of seeing stars in their eyes, a growing segment of the American public sees only glare. Glaring hypocrisy, that is — and they’ve had about enough of it.
Hollywood’s so-called biggest night of the year formerly has been met with the oohs and aahs of an adoring American public enamored with all things glitz (emphasis on the word formerly).
Americans, however, have had it up to here with Hollywood’s endless and liberal pontifications on everything from the sitting president of the United States to climate change. Many of these folks lecture their fans all year. They tell fans whom to vote for, why their beliefs and values aren’t up to snuff, what to think — and so much more.
The idea of watching the incessant back-patting that is the Oscars has left many with a bad taste in their mouth.
But don’t walk away from that screen just yet …
Here are some very different and far more relevant and entirely appropriate awards for the actors, actresses, hosts, and others involved in the ceremony.
Most Sadly Relevant “Joke” During a Prime-Time Awards Show: Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel, for his comments — in this period of endless sexual harassment and sexual abuse allegations coming out of Hollywood — about the Oscar statue’s being a great example for men in Hollywood: “He keeps his hands where you can see them, never says a rude word, and literally doesn’t have a penis. He is literally a statue of limitations,” said Kimmel — and naturally everyone laughed. Really hard. Too hard.
Smoothest Message of Support for Red-Carpet Host Ryan Seacrest: Taraji P. Henson. “The universe has a way of taking care of good people, you know what I mean?” she said, looking Ryan Seacrest directly in the eye and giving him a playful tickle on his chin.
Most Frequent Use of the Word “Stuuuuuuuuunning” in a Three-Hour Period: Giuliana Rancic — as her exuberant praise of red-carpet fashion knew no bounds.
Most Unsafe-for-Work Ensemble: Betty Gabriel of “Get Out.” Her gravity-defying dress was one deep breath away from turning the Oscars into an X-rated show.
Least Elegant Piece of Virtue-Signaling Jewelry Ever: The Time’s Up pin.
Sneakiest Way to Push the #MeToo and #TimesUp Movements Without Saying a Word During the Ceremony: The #HereWeAre commercial (see video directly below).
— Eugene Gu, MD (@eugenegu) March 5, 2018
Funniest (and Most Awkward) Slam Against Last Year’s Oscars: Mark Hamill for his comments to himself, “Don’t say ‘La La Land,’ don’t say ‘La La Land,'” when he was about to announce the Oscar for Best Animated Short. He was referencing the colossal mess-up last year when Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway announced the wrong film for Best Picture.
Biggest Conservative-Bashing Live Musical Performance: Hiphop artist Common for slamming virtually every conservative political belief in a single song, “Stand for Something.”
And in case you have any doubt at all about what so many Americans think of the Oscars while most of Hollywood was celebrating itself for the world to see — check out the sentiments below:
I haven’t seen a single movie these Hollywood scum are celebrating tonight at the #Oscars90 ? – No wait – sorry — is Star Wars nominated for audio or visual effects? Only good thing in that piece of SJW crap, if it is.
— Mark Dice (@MarkDice) March 4, 2018
Prepare for the #Oscars where people who have sexually assaulted women for 100 years will lecture you about womens rights and who will lecture you about guns as they are surrounded by armed security. #Oscars90.
— Carmine Sabia (@CarmineSabia) March 4, 2018
Anyone who follows me knows I'm no Trump fan, but I really hope tonight's #Oscars90 don't turn into another hate-fest. We get it, we know. Talk about the movies!
— Libby Fisher (@egfisher61) March 4, 2018
Tomorrow night on the Oscars you will get to see the greatest acting performances ever as they pretend to be so concerned about the #MeToo movement until a minute after the show’s over and they go right back to only worrying about themselves again. #Oscars90
— MARK SIMONE (@MarkSimoneNY) March 4, 2018
#Oscars90 A night where: people who fly private jets, with armed bodyguards, who never have to worry about the cost of healthcare, whose kids go to private schools, & have accounts for their taxes lecture the rest of us on: climate, gun control, education, and tax policy. STFU
— Pete (@soirredeemable) March 4, 2018
Michele Blood is a Flemington, New Jersey-based freelance writer and regular contributor to LifeZette.