Many married couples face demands and distractions that pull them away from each other. Recent research from the University of Minnesota has found that the average couple may spend between four to five hours together each day, not counting time spent sleeping or on personal grooming. But some couples spend much less time together. Their marriages are pushed to the margins of their lives as they react to and deal with the demands of work, parenting, and other commitments.

It’s not surprising that the same research concluded individuals are almost twice as happy when they’re together with their spouse, compared to when they are not. The researchers reviewed data from 47,000 couples and published their findings in the Journal of Marriage and Family.

Various factors impact the amount of time spouses spend together, including whether or not both are employed as wage earners, whether they have children, and the ages of their children. On top of work and parenting, many couples have additional commitments outside the home, such as caring for elderly relatives, supporting community organizations, or serving their faith communities.

[lz_ndn video=31986344]

Many spouses don’t take action to prioritize their marriage until their relationship encounters a crisis. The crisis may come as a complaint, an extramarital affair, a life-threatening health problem — or the threat of divorce. Waiting for a crisis to prioritize one’s marriage is a high-risk strategy. It’s like waiting until there’s a storm to patch the holes in the roof.

If you and your spouse have allowed your marriage to be pushed to the margins of your lives, take action now.

1.) Set aside time to talk. Take 15 minutes to tell each other what your dreams are for your marriage. Don’t complain about the way your marriage is now, offer excuses, criticize each other or get defensive. Put your energy into describing how you would like your relationship to look, such as things you would say to each other and do together in a more satisfying marriage. And listen carefully!

Take notes about what you hear each other describe, then read these things to each other, making corrections until you’re both satisfied you’ve been understood.

2.) Develop a plan to make your marriage priority. Using the notes about each other’s dreams for your relationship, discuss and agree on a plan of action. Choose up to three or four things you each can begin doing soon. If you get stuck on these first two steps and find yourselves unable to work together, the first step might be for both of you to visit with a marriage counselor to help you work through your differences.

We’re more likely to do the things we plan to do when we share those plans with others.

Who do you think would win the Presidency?

By completing the poll, you agree to receive emails from LifeZette, occasional offers from our partners and that you've read and agree to our privacy policy and legal statement.

3.) Put the plan on your calendar. Whether it’s going out on a weekly date night, walking together in the evening, or making your first visit to a counselor, after you agree on a plan of action put your action plans on your personal calendars. Adding activities to your calendar that are intended to improve your relationship will help you keep your marriage in focus and help you keep your marriage from getting pushed back to the margins.

Related: Secrets of a Solid Marriage (Hint: It’s Not Sex)

4.) Tell others about your plans. Sharing with your children, friends, family or co-workers what you plan to do to prioritize your marriage will add another level of accountability that can help you succeed.

We’re more likely to do the things we plan to do when we share our plans with others.

Jon Beaty, counselor and father of two, lives near Portland, Oregon. He’s the author of the book “If You’re Not Growing, You’re Dying: 7 Habits for Thriving in Your Faith, Relationships and Work.”