Romantic Reboot Isn’t Just for Fun

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My wife and I take a romantic vacation once every few years. It takes planning, but we’re always glad we made the effort.

Each vacation is better than the last, as it gives us an opportunity to make the following investments in our marriage, which also pay off when we’re back home.

1.) Getting reacquainted. You think you know your spouse. Think again! People’s preferences, interests, values, and dreams change over time. Couples who lose their curiosity about each other lose an important resource for stirring up romantic feelings. Curiosity and discovery are important elements of courtship that tend to get lost as a marriage grows older.

Taking time away from the demands of kids, work and home offers an opportunity for couples to discover new things about each other that can add a sense of adventure and excitement to the relationship.

2.) Supporting each other. Mutual commitment to the relationship and marital satisfaction increase when both couples have a sense that they are working in support of each other. Married couples thrive when they have a sense of that “we-ness.”

Many times when spouses express their needs and desires, daily demands and distractions turn them away from each other. As they miss opportunities for connection and intimacy, they drift apart. As their bond erodes, they think about meeting their individual needs rather than cultivating the relationship.

A romantic vacation is an opportunity for spouses to turn toward each other when desires and needs are expressed. Each time they turn toward and respond positively to each other, their bond is strengthened.

Related: Be Happier in Your Marriage

3.) Breaking the gridlock. The demands of work and family can get in the way of listening to each other. When couples don’t take the time to hear each other and really respond, they can run into gridlock on issues over which they disagree.

Many couples have longstanding conflicts that chip away at their satisfaction with their relationship. Spending lots of time together in a low-stress environment can be just what a couple needs to discuss unresolved conflicts and find common ground again.

Jon Beaty, counselor and father of two, lives near Portland, Oregon. He’s the author of the book “If You’re Not Growing, You’re Dying: 7 Habits for Thriving in Your Faith, Relationships and Work.” [lz_pagination]