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Don’t tell them to “call when you’re ready.” They won’t.

It will have to be the grieving one’s family or friends who pull these folks out of the dark pit they appear to be sinking into — don’t give up on us. Give them time to learn to share their pain. Be their rescuers. There are so many places and events they want to go to, but can’t. It’s just too hard. Be the person they can seek out when they’re ready.

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Because they’re in such an overly emotional state, most of the time it’s hard for them to sit through a log of functions, such as birthday parties, graduations, weddings, and the like. Holidays are also extremely emotional times. Looking around at all those smiling, happy faces and not seeing one’s missing loved one — then realizing that person will not be there — can make the heart stop.

Related: Pope Consoles Parents Who Have Lost Children

Be a rescuer. If a grieving person looks distressed, slide up and ask if he or she is OK. The person will be forever grateful.

4.) Realize this individual will never be the same. Those who have lost someone out of the blue are hurt, angry, stressed, and totally out of control while going through the trauma. A split personality often emerges: the person who used to be, the person who “is” now — and the one who is still to arrive.

The grieving feel miserable, sad and forgotten long after the funerals. Friends tire of their grieving. To those who should be an ally, the grieving can become a burden, a threat or an embarrassment. They begin to miss these relationships terribly.

However, they have alienated themselves, so they often make new friends with those who have also lost children.

Related: Grief-Stricken Families Blame Daughters’ Deaths on ’13 Reasons Why’

They understand the pain and are drawn together. But how they want their old relationships back!

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Joan E. Markwell, co-author of “Softening the Grief: What do Say and Do to Comfort a Bereaved Mother,” is a small-business and real estate owner in Lawrenceburg, Kentucky. She is a former board member of the Anderson County Chamber of Commerce in Kentucky, former board member of the Spencer County Tourism Board, also in Kentucky, and a former board member and vice president of the Bluegrass Chapter of the National Association of Women in Construction. [lz_pagination]