Elections are the mothers of futile hopes: Democrats hoped in vain to get Hillary Clinton into the White House as chief executive. Hillary’s supporters are desperately hoping the Electoral College will overthrow the election and put Hillary in the White House anyway — even though she already conceded to Donald Trump.
The rest of us are hoping all the celebrities who threatened to exit the country if Trump were elected will go ahead and — well, leave.
There may be a little bit more hope in that respect, because this time they meant it. They really, really did.
Chelsea Handler: “I did buy a house in another country just in case,” Handler said in May on “Live! With Kelly and Michael.” “All of these people that threaten to leave the country and then don’t? I will leave the country.”
Raven-Symoné: The co-host of “The View” and former “Cosby Show” cast member said in February she’d take her family with her to Canada if a Republican was so much as nominated: “I literally bought my ticket — I swear.”
Bryan Cranston: “I’d be an expatriate,” the “Breaking Bad” star declared in a Los Angeles Times interview on Nov. 1. “Absolutely. I would definitely move [to Vancouver].”
Miley Cyrus: “I am moving if this is my president!” the singer insisted on Instagram. “I don’t say things I don’t mean!”
Lena Dunham: “I know a lot of people have been threatening to do this, but I really will,” she said at the Matrix Awards back in April. “I know a lovely place in Vancouver, and I can get my work done from there.”
We knew they were serious. They don’t say things they don’t mean! They bought houses and tickets! They swear!
Have they kept their solemn promises? Let’s check and see (in the same order as above):
Chelsea Handler: She must have defaulted on her new mortgage — because her promise lasted about nine hours post-election: The very next morning she commiserated over her loss on her Netflix show with Sen. Barbara Boxer of California, saying everyone in her office begged her not to leave. Boxer helpfully pointed out that Handler really needed to stay, because all the haters who voted for Trump were the ones urging her to leave. We don’t recall anything on the ballot about that — but never mind.
Raven-Symoné: Here, in its entirety, is what Symoné has had to say about the election since Trump’s stunning victory: crickets.
Bryan Cranston: He has shown some poise: “Although shocked and disappointed by the outcome,” he tweeted Nov. 9, “I hope the pres-elect will work to unify our wounded country. I sincerely wish him success.”
Miley Cyrus: She may not say things she doesn’t mean — but apparently she says things she can’t remember. So far she’s been silent about her vow to leave the country. But to her credit, she urged her Twitter followers to accept the election results, move on, and continue to be “Happy Hippies.”
To be fair, these celebs and more live deep inside the entertainment industry’s far Left echo chamber; they would have been less surprised if Willy Wonka won the election as a write-in. But they seem to have realized, despite all the pre-election hyperbole, that Donald Trump is not going to destroy the nation. And it’s refreshing to see most of them brushing themselves off, showing some class about their loss — and moving on.
Notice, however, that we said most of them — not all of them:
Lena Dunham: It seems she got a little bit lost on her way to Vancouver — and wound up in a swanky resort in Sedona, Arizona. She’s not working there, either. She’s been on a “spirit quest” to heal herself and recharge her emotions.
Back in July, Dunham stirred up some controversy by slamming Ohio’s Oberlin College, her alma mater, for serving sushi in the dining room. Seems that was “cultural appropriation” and just plain disrespectful. Dunham doesn’t seem to have any similar concerns about calling her Sedona vacation a “spirit quest,” though. Since the term originates with Native American culture, wouldn’t that be cultural appropriation? Maybe Dunham’s not worried because her spirit quest is nothing like the original: a rite to usher young men into adulthood, consisting of solitude, fasting, or other rigorous trials.
By contrast, Dunham’s “spirit quest” has consisted of whispering to rocks and trees, putting crystals on her dog’s head, and posting drunken rants on Instagram. In those, she slurs that although she’s a “human wastebasket” after having too much wine, we’ll all be happy to know she just got a new dog and she really loves her pajamas — along with other priceless jewels of wisdom.
Well, we all have different ways of processing trauma and grief.