Politics

A Politically Incorrect Guide to Christmas

How to bring Christmas cheer to all the far-Left grinches you may encounter

Ah, Christmastime. The enchanting lights; the sweet scents of pine, cinnamon, and clove in the air; the joyous times spent with family and friends — it truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

But Christmas also happens to be a wonderful opportunity to irritate liberals, those perennial grinches for whom the holiday and all that comes with it are a form of kryptonite.

The cultural poison of political correctness crept in like — as Donna Brazile would say — a thief in the night.

It is obvious that the far-Left dislikes Christmas — a lot — and has long waged an aggressive war against it. The cultural poison of political correctness crept in like — as Donna Brazile would say — a thief in the night. “Merry Christmas” became the insipid “happy holidays,” while Christmas vacation became “winter break.”

It’s hardly surprising that the Left went after Christmas with such zeal — the holiday does, after all, celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and bears his name. Its purpose, customs, and traditional prominence in our culture are for liberals an uncomfortable reminder of America and rest of the West’s fundamentally Christian character.

So what better way to celebrate the most wonderful time of the year than to rub it in the noses of anti-Christian cultural Marxists everywhere? It’s easy, wholesome fun for the whole family! Just follow these simple tips, and you and your loved ones will be sure to have a politically incorrect Christmas — perfect for keeping the progressive forces at bay.

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1.) Choose your words wisely. Be sure to say “Merry Christmas” whenever — and to whomever — you can. This is especially important if a politically correct cretin says “happy holidays” to you first. Or if you’re in a Starbucks. If you feel particularly possessed of the Christmas spirit — and of the desire to make liberals particularly uncomfortable — you could also try saying something along the lines of, “joy to the world, the Lord is come.”

2.) Sing it loud, sing it proud. Play, sing, or even hum Christmas carols at home, at the office, and in public if possible — and do so loudly, especially if a grinch is in earshot. None of that Santa’s coming to town with Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer to murder your grandmother malarkey, either. Traditional carols are key. “Hark the Herald Angels Sing,” “Joy to the World,” “Angels We Have Heard on High,” and “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” are all good options.

3.) Decorate appropriately. Santas and reindeer are all well and good, but nothing carries the true message of Christmas better than a nativity scene. If you happen to own land that is highly visible to passersby on which you can display your nativity scene, all the better.

Mini nativity scenes and advent calendars are a great option for the student dorm or office cubicle — and sure to bother the heck out of any militantly atheist peers with whom you may have the misfortune of associating. It’s the little touches that make all the difference. As for Christmas trees, be sure they are topped with an angel or star only — a Donald Trump Christmas ornament is always a nice touch too.

4.) Give gifts that count. Forced to participate in an office Secret Santa this year? There’s no better way to poke a little fun at that liberal colleague of yours than the perfect gift! If you find yourself tasked with being a Secret Santa to such a colleague, consider a “Make America Great Again” hat, or perhaps a copy of “The Blessings of Christmas” by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI.

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As for any other stridently liberal folks in your life for whom you may need to buy Christmas presents, anything with the American flag or Donald Trump’s name on it is a pretty safe bet. If you need to buy gifts for your liberal brother or sister’s kids,  be sure to buy gifts that reinforce traditional gender roles.

5.) Savor every moment. There are of course 12 days of Christmas, from Christmas Day through Epiphany. That’s 12 whole days to remind Christmas-hating liberals of their country’s cultural heritage. Enjoy them.

Merry Christmas!

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