Campaigns will do nearly anything to get attention. They’ll even turn you, your couch, and your baby into walking billboards of hilarity or awkwardness in an effort to spur conversation about their candidate.

Most presidential campaigns, of course, play it safe. They offer just a smattering of T-shirts, bumper stickers, and buttons featuring nothing really catchy at all except their candidate’s simple logo. An equal number don’t have a campaign store on their site at all.

Then there are those who go all out. Throw on your official Rick Santorum 2012 sweater-vest (unfortunately not being offered in 2016, at least not yet) and check out some of the most absurd items being hawked by campaigns.

10. Marco 2016 – ‘The Marco Polo’
This shirt wins a spot on the list mainly for the attempted word play. The polos themselves are fairly simple and rival other candidates’ store offerings on the boring factor. The wit isn’t particularly impressive, but hey, it’s tenth place.

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9. Jeb 2016 – ‘My Dad Tee’
Everyone can understand a guy wanting to defend his dad, but to sell a T-shirt about your dad being the greatest man on the face of the earth borders dynastic narcissism. Perhaps we’re wrong and everyone thinks it’s really sweet, but perhaps not.

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8. Rand 2016 – ‘NSA Spy Cam Blocker’
Scared the tin-foil hat won’t be enough to protect you from the NSA? Well, there’s always the ‘Rand 2016 Spy Cam Blocker’ to give you the extra reassurance that the government isn’t watching. Seriously, the most creative campaign store of any 2016 candidate is by far that of Kentucky Senator Rand Paul. This and some of the other selections, including ‘Hillary Clinton’s Email Server,’ are hilarious and actually contain relevant political messages.

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7. Hillary 2016 – ‘Chillary Clinton Koozie Pack’
For a candidate who spent much of the late 90s being referred to as an ‘ice queen’ by detractors, the choice of ‘chill’-themed gear is a bit bold. The koozie, however, is an essential hipster accessory and Clinton’s national headquarters is located in Brooklyn. Really, Clinton should be commended for offering the locals somewhere ‘chill’ to house their PBRs (Pabst Blue Ribbons).

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6. Jeb 2016 – ‘Onesies’
Political baby gear is just obnoxious. Nothing says ‘I live in Washington, D.C. and I think I’m funny’ quite like parading your infant around in campaign gear.

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5. Hillary 2016 – ‘Stitch by Stitch Throw Pillow’
Being of one gender or another is not a qualification for the White House. Hillary’s actual political messaging, particularly in public appearances, is heavily laden with references to why it’s ‘time to have a woman in the White House.’ That’s all well and good, but with plummeting favorability numbers maybe Hillary should try to convince voters that she is the woman who should be in the White House. Not sure throw pillows will contribute much to that.

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4. Jeb 2016 – ‘Guaca Bowl’
“Jeb and Columba love whipping up guacamole on Sunday Funday,” reads the posting in the Jeb 2016 store. Or, to put this in laymen’s terms, Jeb and Columba are just like you: They make their own guac. Except unlike you, they make it in Kennebunkport and share it with two presidents. If you’re anxious to grab these awfully undecorated bowls, though, you may be looking for the Jeb secret recipe. Unfortunately, the post also says, “Jeb’s secret guacamole recipe not included … yet.” Good riddance anyway: It probably includes green peas.

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3. Rand 2016 – ‘Rand on a Stick – Set of 12’
Everyone needs a Rand on a Stick. What if you get invited to a spontaneous liberty bash and don’t have any fun props? Fortunately, you’ll now have enough for half the party because Rand on a Stick comes in packs of 12. Plenty of Rand face-time to go around.

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2. Hillary 2016 – ‘The Grillary Clinton Apron’
Fire up your green-friendly pellet-fired grill and throw the shroom and veggie patties on. You can now grill like you’re truly Ready for Hillary. The Hillary store even offers a ‘Grillary Clinton’ spatula to go with your apron. Now when you have your friends over, they’ll really know just how much you love Hillary Clinton despite all those scandals generated by the vast right wing conspiracy.

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1. Jeb 2016 – ‘Vintage Tank’
Like Matthew McConaughey in “Dazed and Confused,” young Jeb here rocked the quintessential 70s mustache. Lucky for you, someone took a profile picture of the mustached Jeb to capture the look for all posterity. Even more lucky for you, a campaign staffer for Jeb decided that picture would make a great tank top. Next time you’re at the beach, you can show off both your guns and your establishment Republican cred. That’s sure to land you a date.

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Honorable Mention – ‘Limited Edition Perry Mugshot Shirt’
This one could easily have won the top nod as the most ridiculous campaign store item, but alas, it is being offered through the pro-Perry organization RickPAC and so is not official campaign sponsored apparel. Earning political points off an indictment is not easy to pull off. Unfortunately for Perry, only one of those three indictments has been thrown out by a judge.

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