There is something about the “bad boy” type that attracts women, regardless of the consequences.
Leaving trails of broken hearts and runny mascara, bad boys have been put on a pedestal by pop culture and the media, based on basic human psychology.
What is it, though — even in the age of the “powerful woman” — that continues to make the female of the species swoon before inevitably being heart-broken?
MDHealth maintains there are certain types of women that can fall for the bad boy. Those that are looking for a thrill; those looking to redeem a broken spirit; ladies who fear commitment; girls who have a rebellious father; women who have been hurt; and those with low self-esteem.
Sure, that covers a large swath of the population, but there are attractive qualities that make the bad boy appeal to the female population at-large, regardless of one’s upbringing or psychology. That irresistible characteristic is “the potent combination of excitement, intrigue, mystery, indifference and confidence,” MDHealth says.
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The intrigue is magnified when celebrity couples are in the public eye. Selena Gomez keeps running back into the arms of Justin Bieber. Khloe Kardashian ran to Lamar Odom’s side after he was found unconscious in a brothel. Kendra goes back to Hank. Lindsay Vonn misses Tiger Woods. Women still date John Meyer.
These examples are continually highlighted in the media, which certainly influences young women to “have a heart” and take back bad boys even after egregious indiscretions.
The media also profile bad boys like Jeremy Meeks, the “Hot Convict” whose mug shot became a viral sensation, leaving even “good girls” in a state of confusion. Rolling Stone turned Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev into a terrorist version of Jim Morrison on their cover, setting Twitter ablaze with conflicted women who found the murderer “hot.”
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In many cases, the narrative built around the mythos of a “strong woman” is set by public figures and political leaders. Yet, America’s thought leaders haven’t settled on an accepted definition. Hillary Clinton is seen as a feminist and powerful example for women, yet she stood by her man’s side as he repeatedly stepped out on her.
While many can assume she did so to advance her political career, it’s not an insignificant aspect of her marriage. The would-be leader of the free world is known for letting her husband’s dalliances slide. All the while, she is propped up as a symbol of female power, leaving the rest of us scratching our heads.
The mythology of the virginal Sandra Dee, who eventually won the heart of bad boy Danny Zuko, is deeply rooted in our culture.
But what happens to young women who dismiss bad boys as a necessary evil in life? Are women just lowering their standards?
The emotional fallout occurs when things don’t work out, and the trauma of these broken relationships have to be processed somehow. Being a bad boy isn’t the only dysfunction when a relationship keeps breaking down. There are dysfunctional characteristics within women who tolerate the indiscretions of their partners.
In an era where women have never been stronger and more independent, men and women also have important blind spots of which they are often unaware. These include drugs and alcohol, even if they haven’t hit “abuse” levels.
A party boy in his late 20s can be a train wreck by his 40s or before, particularly if he doesn’t acknowledge the negative consequences his party behavior may have on his partner. A woman scorned can easily dismiss her own drug and alcohol dependency once it becomes a coping mechanism for the pain she endures.
Love and affection often require treatment, namely therapy, so a couple can break the cycle. This can be a lifelong commitment for both parties.
Often, a bad boy’s actions are a result of deep-seated issues that can date back to childhood. That doesn’t make their problems irreparable. It means they have work to do. Men must show a commitment to change when they inevitably come crawling back to seek forgiveness for their mistakes. Forgoing illicit substances and starting on a road to therapy are important prerequisites before a relationship can be rekindled.
Of course, the other psychological shift that has to occur is in the cultural attitude women have toward good guys. For every Jeremy Meeks, there is a guy (or 10) who has never needed to post bail.
While women will consistently claim (many times on social media) that they really would like a nice guy to settle down with, many women have mental blocks after they have “friend-zoned” someone. Some women might have a perfect match in a good guy that already belongs to their network of contacts. They just keep overlooking them.
Women are leading the revolution in many fields, exhibiting greater strength and independence. Inability to discerning which partners are worth keeping, and which are worth casting aside, can keep women (and the bad boys they “enable”) in a state of misery.
Breaking this pattern once and for all can easily change the trajectory of a life. If a bad boy can be reformed, that relationship could bring a couple closer as they both honestly address their individual needs and insecurities.
If not, it’s up to a woman to choose another partner, even if it means going back to the drawing board to rethink her options, or carrying on solo until Mr. Right crosses her path.
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