Looking for an end-of-summer beach read?

The University of New Hampshire has just the page-turner for you. It’s called the “Bias-Free Language Guide,” and it’s chock-full of language do’s and don’ts for the campus community. The progressive administrators who authored these guidelines claim they mean “to invite inclusive excellence in [the] campus community.”

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Just like many college campuses around the country, UNH seeks to achieve a perfect level of political correctness on its campus. In order to do so, the university has banned offensive terminology. Among the countless abusive words outlawed in this guidebook are “mothering,” “fathering,” “caucasian,” “foreigner,” “illegal alien,” “freshman,” “chairman,” and perhaps the most disturbing, “American.”

The selection of “problematic” terms indicates that only certain people have the right to be offended at UNH.

Among the countless abusive words outlawed in this guidebook are “mothering,” “fathering,” “caucasian,” “foreigner,” “illegal alien,” “freshman,” “chairman,” and perhaps the most disturbing, “American.”

But we can dream for the rest of the students, can’t we? We bet that there are plenty of centrists, conservatives, traditionalists, and libertarians on the Manchester campus who have their own growing list of problematic, or at the very least, annoying words and phrases popularized by leftie-do-gooders.

So in the name of equal opportunity, the LifeZette team has compiled our own list of terms that we find offensive.

The college environment has become hostile and uninviting to students who are repulsed by the Lena Dunham approach to sex and politics. Those students would feel more comfortable and fully actualized if universities banned the following terms:

  1. Slut-Shaming: Let’s bring back more high-brow insults such as strumpet, hussy, Jezebel and harlot.
  2. Micro-aggression: Why qualify a perfectly good noun?
  3. Cis-gendered: We prefer CSI-Gendered (think of the spin-off possibilities!)
  4. Pro-Choice: Why not give the baby a say, too?
  5. Womyn’s Studies: We don’t like it spelled either way.
  6. White Privilege: Name the last white male admitted to Harvard who wasn’t a legacy or an all-state athlete?
  7. Climate Change: Nice try changing the term from “global warming.”
  8. Gender-Fluid: Do you add that right after the windshield wiper fluid?
  9. Tolerance: Meaningless as most campuses tolerate no meaningful dissent from the leftist orthodoxy.
  10. Liberal: There are no real liberals on campus any longer, so let’s just ditch the term. Just remember: The true path to success, and to being the No. 1 world power, is teaching the next generation the importance of acceptance and eradicating “offensive” language.

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