You take a deep breath before opening the door. You have no idea what awaits you on the other side.

Will people understand or judge you? Will the service be too loud, the room too crowded, the experience too overstimulating for your child? Will you be welcomed or unwelcome by others once they see your family isn’t typical? Will you all finally be accepted?

“Instead of sharing my burdens, some church people threw more bundles on my back,” said one mom.

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These are your worries as a parent as you enter a church to pray and be among the faithful — and you are not alone.

“We were devout Catholics until my son with autism turned three-and-a-half,” said Lisa Hilster Staffa, a mom in Portland, Oregon. “Then, with his impulse control issues, he wanted to toddle during Mass. After about six months of this, unfortunately, we gave up going. It was just too much stress.”

One in 26 families has a child with a disability, a U.S. Census survey from 2007 found. In 2014, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that 1 of every 68 children were on the autism spectrum. And 80 percent of those families have found church too problematic.

If a child’s disabilities are severe, well-meaning but curious people may stare, ask inappropriate questions, or get upset at noise during the service. If no one can help the child in religious education class, he can’t attend. If the needs are behavioral, parents can be judged and even criticized for bad parenting.

“I allowed others to shame me, to blame me, to point fingers and put me in my place. I allowed them to exclude my son and my family, to judge and to mistreat,” Texas mom Sheri Dacon noted on her blog Lyrics for Life. “Instead of sharing my burdens, some church people threw more bundles on my back.”

Related: Three Biggest Threats to American Families

Churches are filled with imperfect people, of course. But Sam Luce, a speaker, blogger and children’s pastor in the Utica, New York, area for over 20 years, shares why he thinks churches particularly fail special-needs families:

  • Ignorance of disabilities and of what everyone needs
  • Fearing the unexpected
  • A lack of vision to help
  • Other priorities that don’t include special needs kids
  • Being unable to ask for education
  • Feeling overwhelmed at the idea of working with special needs
  • Assuming that one hour a week is pointless

But that one hour is a lifeline to exhausted, emotionally and mentally drained parents. A study published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders found that moms with autistic kids rival combat soldiers in stress.

“When we encounter people with disabilities in our churches, we are sometimes not sure what to say or how to treat them because we think they are not like us,” said one professor.

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“The mothers of children with high levels of behavior problems have the most pronounced physiological profile of chronic stress,” noted Marsha Mailick Seltzer, a University of Wisconsin-Madison researcher who authored the study.

How could time to focus on spiritual needs while a child is occupied elsewhere not help? “People in America are uncomfortable with death, illness, and disability,” noted Dr. Todd Miles, a theology professor at Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon. “When we encounter people with disabilities in our churches, we are sometimes not sure what to say or how to treat them because we think they are not like us.”

There are ways to make church easier for everyone. Mary Beth Walsh, Ph.D., and Bill Gaventa, M.Div., suggest that parents:

  • Meet the leaders and explain the child’s disability. Share how important it is that your family participates in worship on a regular basis.
  • Offer to educate those working with your child.
  • Find a family-oriented worship service that allows noise.
  • Bring activities to keep children distracted and calm.
  • Visit the church before services with your child, to make it familiar. Explain what will happen during worship.
  • Find something your children enjoy, such as clapping, and encourage them to do that so they’re also participating.

“When strategies are put in place ahead of time, this creates a safe feeling for everyone,” said Lisa Swafford, a director at Joni and Friends, a California-based global ministry that serves the disabled and their families. “Parents can help people at church learn to speak, act, and offer help in a way that is consistent with the way that the child best receives that help.”

Related: Children Have Only One Mom

But even with preparation and parental involvement, it still comes down to finding a church that wants to help.

“That’s where most churches fail these families,” said Penny Rogers, a Florida mom who blogs about her son’s autism and her struggle to find a church. “It’s not enough to let them come to church. You have to step out to meet their needs. Find ways to make it successful for the whole family.”

Many denominations are beginning to see the need and offer ministries to special kids, the disabled, and their families. But even churches without a special ministry can provide what your family truly needs: kindness, understanding, and acceptance. So if you haven’t found that church just yet, keep looking. It’s out there.