When a Pet Dies

The death of a beloved pet can be a traumatic time for families, especially children. Pets and kids have a unique bond, and care must be taken by the adults in their lives to help them through this difficult time.

Whether by accident, illness or old age, a pet’s death is a transformative experience. But while traumatic, if handled properly it can actually help children mature.

“It is important for animals as well as people that families who have lost pets deal healthily with loss,” Mark Stubis of the American Humane Society told LifeZette.

Failure to deal with loss in a healthy way can leave deep scars, sometimes for many years.

“One of the leading barriers to ownership of pets was grief over the loss of a beloved pet,” Stubis said. “Many previous owners of dogs and cats indicated they were still grieving the loss of their pet, and this was a factor in their not obtaining another pet.”

Failure to deal with loss in a healthy way can leave deep scars, sometimes for many years.

With that in mind, here are some helpful tips to make a sad time a bit easier for children, and even yourself:

In the case of euthanasia, once the decision is made, inform your children, stating the exact reason. Make clear that this is both a loving decision and an important part of pet ownership, kidshealth.org advises.

Do not take the animal without giving your kids a chance to say goodbye (except, of course, in the case of an emergency). Younger children should be told only what they can handle developmentally, so as not to frighten or confuse them.

A beloved pet’s passing may be a young child’s first experience with death. Listen to your children’s fears and anxieties, and share your own sorrow, advises Clinical Psychology Associates of North Central Florida. Enter into the experience with them, while assuming family leadership by assisting them through it. Contextualize the experience by fostering a “circle of life” mentality.

Allow your children to say goodbye to your pet, if possible. Although it is hard, the journey of loving a pet is complete when last goodbyes are said.

Avoid the common phrase for euthanasia, “being put to sleep.” It can trigger sleep problems or intense anxiety in kids, according to griefhealingblog.org. Better to say the pet will be helped to die peacefully and without pain (and don’t ever tell them Fido went to grandma and grandpa’s farm — they’ll remember).

Decide ahead of time who will attend an euthanasia appointment for your pet. Older children may be able to handle this experience, while for younger children it will no doubt be upsetting, and arrangements should be made for them to stay at home. The pet will also pass easier if the environment is calm and not chaotic.

Younger children may want to talk, cry, or express themselves with drawings or music. These are all healing activities and should be encouraged.

After the pet has passed, allow children to express grief, says the ASPCA on its website. Older children may be quiet or stay in their rooms alone — this is normal. Younger children may want to talk, cry, or express themselves with drawings or music. These are all healing activities and should be encouraged.

The ASPCA also recommends having a memorial of some kind — a small service, a picture of the pet displayed, or a memorial rock in the garden or yard. This reassures children that their pet was an important part of the family, and is remembered as such.

Don’t get a new pet right away. Take some time — at least a few weeks — to make sure a new pet is actually wanted and it’s not just to fill a void. Don’t rush when selecting one: A pet is a commitment and a family member, and must fit all needs — budget, time, and space in home.

Some veterinarians now offer an in-home euthanasia service, so this may be a good option for some families. If the euthanasia appointment occurs in the vet’s office, he or she will typically explain what is about to happen, make your pet comfortable, and answer any questions prior to proceeding. A sedative may be given before the euthanizing agent is administered, according to your pet’s needs. There is usually the opportunity to hold, stroke, or cuddle your pet as it passes.

Cremation services are also available for your pet in most cases. Your family will receive the animal’s ashes through the mail within a few weeks. Most communities do not allow burial in residential yards, so your veterinarian can help you with final arrangements.

The passing of a pet can be an opportunity for your child to learn and grow. Handled sensitively, good memories of the beloved pet will gradually replace sadness, and children will learn that all creatures are important and should be valued.