It’s that time of year again. School is out, or just about, and plenty of college kids are home. The problem, of course, is that many young people who are fully capable of holding summer jobs expect their parents to feed, shelter, and basically subsidize their lifestyle.
It’s no surprise, really. Millennials tend to be needier than any other generation. I know because I am from the generation of people born in the ’80s and ’90s — although I think Americans in general have become more self-centered since the end of World War II. It kind of comes with the territory when you have government programs to aid you in all sorts of ways. Plus, we do not live in a society in which one has to grow, cook, or even kill food to survive. We, or our parents, pay people to do that for us.
Today’s situation comes with the territory when you have government programs to aid you in all sorts of ways.
If you are a mom or dad conflicted about what to do about your children, financial adviser Dave Ramsey is always a good choice for smart advice. In a blog post titled “Paying the Kids,” Ramsey says work is always a good idea.
“We’re not trying to create large amounts of money here,” Ramsey said. “We’re trying to create the idea that money comes from work, and work creates money.”
Ramsey and his wife put their children on commission, he noted.
“We didn’t give them an allowance,” he stressed. “Allowance is welfare. Commission is work. Don’t work? Don’t get paid.”
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This was something Ramsey’s father taught him at a young age.
“I remember coming to the dinner table one night, and there was my dad’s claw hammer lying beside my plate,” Ramsey recalled. “He said, ‘You see that plate? You see that hammer? You don’t cut the grass, I’m going to break your plate, and you’re not going to have any food.'”
While admitting that was dramatic — Ramsey clearly got the picture.
“It left a lasting impression … I still get my work done.”
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Jay Payleitner — the bestselling author of “52 Things Kids Need from a Dad” and “Quick Tips for Busy Families” and the father of five successful adult children — has a slightly different perspective. Establishing expectations is preferable to pushing, nagging, or drafting a long sets of rules, he believes.
“When our kids were in high school, their ‘job’ was to keep their grades up and be leaders in a few extracurricular activities,” Payleitner told LifeZette. “That was our expectation, and it worked.”
All of Payleitner’s kids got into good colleges and even won some scholarships.
“Don’t leave the gas tank empty, and help with household chores or projects when asked.”
“Similarly, we didn’t pile on ‘adult’ responsibilities during those three short summers between their undergrad years, but we did have expectations,” he continued. “These included getting an internship if possible, or making a couple thousand bucks doing something interesting.”
In terms of spending time at home and or inviting friends over, Payleitner was open to that on occasion.
“‘Don’t feel like a prisoner,'” he said he told them. “‘Keep us informed about your whereabouts, do most of your own laundry, don’t leave the gas tank empty, and help with household chores or projects when asked.'”
When the start of another school year drew near, Payleitner expected his kids to be ready to work toward a worthwhile degree when they started classes.
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“Motivated college students will have adult responsibilities soon enough,” he said. “That idea, or warning, was a regular part of our summertime conversations, and we even joked about it.”
Allowing hardworking students to enjoy their last few summers without real-world responsibilities lays the groundwork for that first summer after graduation, when they really are responsible for their own food, clothing, car, and shelter.
Back to Dave Ramsey, who advises parents to teach their young men how to wash a load of clothes and sew on a button.
“You might be in a hotel room sometime and getting ready to go on the big appointment in another city, and the button come off your shirt,” he said. “What are you going to do? Wander around and find somebody at 4 in the morning or whatever it is to sew that thing on?”
Related: The Secrets of Raising Financially Savvy Children
For parents like me with daughters — Ramsey advocates teaching them how to change the oil in their car. Other parents say teenage girls of driving age should also be able to change a tire.
One hopes “they will never have to do it, but it would not be a bad idea for them to know how to do it,” said Ramsey of the oil change.
My stepfather told me the same thing. So did my father-in-law. It’s important to understand how to do things. Whether we like it or not, we all are faced with situations and circumstances. For some, it’s what to do with kids who will soon be on their own. For others, it’s “what do I do now that Mom and Dad are not here to help?” Knowing is half the battle. Working to survive is the other.
Chris Woodward is a reporter for American Family News and OneNewsNow.com. Based in Mississippi, he is also a contributor to OneMillionDads.com and EngageMagazine.net and a regular contributor to LifeZette.
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