In Praise of School Uniforms

Let us all partake in a moment of silence to grieve the loss of school uniforms at Leckie Elementary, a school in our nation’s capital. For you, Leckie parents, school uniforms were but a fleeting moment in the lifetime of your offspring’s outfits. May the cherished memories of decision-free mornings and inexpensive khakis ease the ache in your noggins and wallets.

Related: The Uniform Wars

Reading about the uniform pushback at Leckie Elementary in Washington, D.C., reminded me of how fortunate my family has been to live on the winning side of the uniform wars.

I love uniforms. Predictable, inexpensive and rated G, elementary school uniforms are a potent Kardashian antidote. They crush potential for early morning tantrums about inappropriate clothing selections. They steamroll over a child’s anxiety about her wardrobe’s tease-ability factor. They build school spirit by having all students don the same jersey.

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If the kids don’t like it, that creates bonding, too. They can rage against the uniform machine together. Teamwork! And let’s face it, it’s one less decision to make.

(Feel your brain unclenching as you absorb that last one.)

One less decision to make. That’s a priceless gift. But honestly, in over a decade of slapping uniforms on the bodies of my three angels, I’ve yet to hear a complaint by a child. (About school uniforms, that is.)

I love uniforms more than I love my own mom. Predictable, inexpensive and rated G, elementary school uniforms are a potent Kardashian antidote.

My daughters go to a public elementary school that implemented an “optional” (all students comply) school uniform policy 12 years ago. At that time, there was one other public elementary school, among the 13 in the city that also dictated uniform guidelines. Now, more than a decade later, there are six city schools adhering to the old-is-new idea. “Free dress days” are suddenly a privilege that can be given and taken away. The concept has gained momentum, but it can take a push to convince parents who are unfamiliar with the approach.

In my experience, you can snap up a whole season’s worth of uniform wardrobe for the same cost as one pair of jeans.

Leckie Elementary’s “reversal of fortune” made me recall an elementary school in our district that struggled with the uniform question a couple of years ago. Some well-meaning moms brought the debate to the neighborhood Listserv for feedback.

As Listserv conversations are prone to do, this one droned on and on with countless irrelevant musings, terrible suggestions, and repetitive insights. But I also spied legitimate questions.

For example, would uniforms be difficult to obtain? No, it was determined that every city resident lived within a one-block-radius of a Target, Old Navy, Gymboree or Children’s Place.

Could uniforms present an unfair burden on families with limited resources? No, this would not present a crippling hardship. Uniforms, as a rule, are relatively inexpensive. In my experience, you can snap up a whole season’s worth of uniform wardrobe for the same cost as one pair of jeans from “Abertrashy & Itch.” And if you have a free shipping coupon code, fuggetaboutit. Six tops, six bottoms, delivered into your hands and no shopping in that dark, loud store. Winning indeed.

Right in the middle of the Listserv’s socially conscious uniform pros-and-cons list, one mom suggested uniforms might suppress a child’s ability to express herself. Puh-lease.

As though glitter-puffed rainbow leggings are what make little Dakota Dakota! As though Dakota’s inability to “style” herself infringes on her freedom and her constitutional rights! As though self-expression can only be achieved through what one wears! Look, if you aren’t a “Project Runway” contestant, it’s not a compelling argument.

When all the boys wear the same tiny chinos and navy sweaters, you stop noticing the duds and start noticing the dudes.

Not one of my tender offspring has suffered personality suppression from premeditated outfits. In fact, the opposite rings closer to the truth. When all the boys wear the same tiny chinos and navy sweaters, you stop noticing the duds and start noticing the dudes.

A sea of blue cotton demands that the teacher, chaperone and cafeteria lady look at the individual face, hear the distinct voice, and understand the unique idea. The uniformity of clothing takes label consciousness out of the picture and points out that we are more alike than different. It replaces “keep up” with “in it together.”

What better time than during elementary school to teach and reinforce these human concepts? It’s our responsibility to remind our children that it’s not the waxy packaging that makes the burrito edible; it’s the delicious ingredients wrapped inside its shell.