Hey Mom, Hold the ‘I Scream’

St. Louis Cardinals’ manager Mike Matheny was chatting recently on NPR’s Fresh Air about how parents behave at their kids’ sporting events. After Matheny retired from the Big Leagues as a catcher and began to coach his son’s baseball team, he wrote down some rules for parental spectators in a now famous “ manifesto” that recently was turned into a book.

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He believes parents are the biggest problem in youth sports and says that sideline viewers should be “a silent source of encouragement.” Kids place enough pressure on themselves, he says, without having the most important people in their lives yelling or offering play-by-play guidance throughout their games.

Kids want to please their teammates, their coaches, and most of all, mom and dad.

Kids want to please their teammates, their coaches, and most of all, Mom and Dad. Cheerleading from the sidelines can, albeit unintentionally, add to the pressure, the argument goes.

“What?!” say some parents. No “Go, George, Go!” on the soccer field? No “You can do it, Charlotte! I know you can!” when she’s up at bat?

It’s a vexing question for anyone who’s ever been a sideline spectator and witnessed their precious ones in full play. Should we be yelling like crazy for our kids? No surprise — parents are passionate in their responses. Here are two sides of the issue.

YES!
I think the fact that we are talking about this highlights what is happening in our society today — that same mentality that says everyone is a winner, everyone gets a trophy. Life doesn’t follow that mentality.

Life is hard. Sometimes you win, many times you lose. It is how you learn to react to circumstances that makes you successful. That is why I say: NOT cheer for a child’s game?! WHAT?!

What would happen if they were treated that way as boys? They would crack under the pressure if they grew up to make the team.

Think of professional sports. Does anyone believe the 46,861 fans at Busch Stadium cheering on the St. Louis Cardinals should be silent so as not to put unnecessary pressure on them? Gee whiz! Remember, all of those men started out as boys. And if they were treated that way as boys, they would crack under the pressure as men.

As long as the cheering is coming from a positive place, I say cheer on! — Jill Smith (Atlanta, GA)

NO!
I consciously do not instruct my children from the sidelines or whoop for them during play. It prevents my kids from practicing and learning the skill of decision-making.

My Kentucky mother first taught me this strategy, but it has been reinforced to me during a number of soccer coaching clinics over time as well.

It’s an effective teaching strategy for coaching soccer and for many aspects of parenting.

It is an effective teaching strategy for coaching soccer and for many aspects of parenting. I do not find it hard to refrain from yelling or cheering from the sidelines at this point, as I have many seasons of seeing the technique pay off handsomely among my soccer players.

What is hard is getting my assistant coach and other parents to do the same. — Kyle Lynch, Alexandria, VA

A Family Therapist Weighs In:
Don’t spend time mulling over whether to cheer your child on at sporting events. Instead, go straight to the source and ask your young athletes for their thoughts.

Most people are great with being cheered on during games and contests, but for some of us (myself included), it can be irritating and anxiety provoking. I enjoy rock climbing, but it is the worst when my well-intentioned climbing partners start yelling over and over again, “You got this!” How do they expect me to focus on the moves when they are talking to me?

Since cheering is customary in team sports, players need to at least tolerate it if they are long for the game. Take this opportunity to talk to your young athletes about how it feels to be in the game. What are key moments like for them? Do they appreciate their personal fan club, or would they prefer a more low-profile posse?

Whatever they say, try to respect their wishes. Adult or child, nothing is more demoralizing than being asked your preferences only to have them ignored. — Jill Kaufmann, MS, Bend, Oregon
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